There's two ways you can go with it... you can feel like a freak show. You can avert your eyes and hope people don't notice you (hah! good luck with that). You can let people's comments and idiotic questions bother you (and trust me, there will be many many stupid questions). You can feel burdened by the curiosity and the fact that it now takes twice as long to do everything because everyone and their mother wants to stop and ooh and ahh over your babies.
Or you enjoy it. Take it as a compliment, see it as people generally being kind and love that they see your children as adorable and wonderful. I have definitely learned to be more friendly with strangers, and really enjoy getting a chance to just talk to people. My girls have ALWAYS loved the attention and now if we go out and no one is telling them how cute they are, they get an attitude. Yes, I've heard a lot of stupid comments and answered many, many idiotic questions but for the most part, I never let it bother me.
You will get asked the same questions over and over....
Are they a boy and a girl? (Now that the girls are older we don't get this as much but when they were little EVERYONE thought they were boy/girl... despite always being dressed very girly. People seem to assume twins are one of each. A man actually argued with me that I had Katie dressed like a boy because she was in YELLOW... a yellow flowered outfit with big yellow bow that is.)
Who was born first? (What does it matter? I never understand this question though I will say most people who ask guess Charlotte and they're right so I guess it means something.)
Who's the happy one? Good one? Which one's the bossy one? (Now, would you go up to a woman with two different aged children and ask, who's the good one? No. I always say oh they're both good/happy, etc.)
Typical comments: Wow! You sure have your hands full! God bless you!! They must keep you busy! Bet you're tired! and the ones I've love.... You're so blessed. You must have so much fun. You are so lucky!
Every now and then though, someone says something that just sticks... bothers me. In general I let 99% of things roll off my back. But there have been a few.
The people who recently referred to Charlotte as 'the chubby one." Oh NO. No no. Don't start that.
The lady who had her single baby in her stroller, looked at me walking by with my girls, pointed and yelled "OH MY GOD!! Thank god not me!" I said, I thank god it's not you too.
The cashier who asked me which one was the 'mean' one... I said, that's an awful question!! Neither! They're sweet babies!! Crazy!
The woman who when I said the girls were surviving triplets, their brother had died told me "Oh, we've all lost one.... I had a miscarriage when I was young. You get over it."
Recently being told that at least I had 'two out of three' of my triplets, and I should be happy with that.
I'm the same way with this blog. I have always ignored the (honestly very few) negative comments I've received. But I got a note on my last post that really has bothered me, to the point of tears. It bothers me because I hope no one else read that post and got the same impression as the person who left the comment.
I think I forget this blog is just a small window into a tiny fraction of my life. Maybe you had to know me, know who I was before my husband, before my babies, know how I grew up to understand what I was trying to say. Maybe it didn't come across right if you didn't know everything about me.
I could never, never, ever hate my girls. I never in any way meant to infer they were ever 'less than' - they are everything to me, more than I ever dreamed. I love them more than anything in the world. I wanted them just as much as I wanted Jack. I will love them at 3, 13, 23, whatever age, forever. I will love them the same if they are angelic children or terrible 12 year olds or delinquent teenagers or anything in between. I am not assuming they are going to be a burden as teens or any age - they will never be a burden and I know they are going to grow up to be amazing women. I was being honest about my dreams of my triplets, my little day dreams of how life would be with them....
I am going to try and be the best mom to my children that I can be always, forever.
(And thank you SO MUCH for all the votes... we came in third!! The girls and I are thrilled. :)
46 comments:
It's such a shame that ignorant or ill-intentioned people can make a comment that stings to the core.
I read you previous post and never heard you say (or in your previous posts) that you "hate your daughters" like ANON said in his/her comment--way to put words in your mouth.
If anything, what I got from your previous post is that you love and appreciate your daughters more than you ever thought you would. What a great gift for you AND them!
They're lucky lucky girls to have you as their momma!
Hi Megan, I went back and read the comments on the last post to see what you were referring to. I have to say, I totally agree with your thoughts on boys vs. girls (before you had your children). If I'm being 100% honest, I "wanted" a boy with this pregnancy, and I'd hate to use the word "disappointed" since I'm SO thrilled to be having my daughter and I can't wait to meet her, but I guess my initial reaction at hearing "It's a girl" wasn't what it would have been if the tech said, "it's a boy". And I think that just stems from my assumptions that a boy will be easier or whatever during the teenage years - or my fears that a daughter resents her mother.
Obviously, I know how special mother-daughter relationships are and I have a very good relationship with my own mom, so really, my preconceived notion that a boy would be "better" is just kinda silly. BUT I felt that exact same way!! AND you clearly are madly in love with your children and that was evident in your post. Try not to let one negative Nancy bring you down. :)
"You'll get over it?!" Point that cashier out to me ... she'll learn to THINK before speaking after I'm done with her.
I haven't been reading the comments so I went back. What a terrible person. Even the people who don't know you "in real life" can tell from your writing how much you ADORE your girls. I hope you can let that one go, or even delete it off of here, that comment is a waste of space!
Hi, I've been following your blog for quite some time, but after reading this most recent post, I feel compelled to comment.
In reading your blog, it is clear you love your girls more than anything. I am sorry that you even had to take the energy today to write what you did because it felt to me like you were trying justify/clarify your feelings. And you certainly don't owe us, your reading public:), any explaination, ever, for how you feel.
It is so brave of you to share your experiences and girls and joys and sadness with us...
I hope you can put that person's (and others you run into) comment behind you. Charlotte and Katie are lucky to have you as their mother.
I did not get the impression you were saying anything bad about the girls at all! I found your blog through the nest and I LOVE reading it! I have 3 month old twin girls and I need to say thank you for todays post. I needed it. I have a hard time with the strangers and all the stupidity out there. I need to learn to accept it and make the best out of it. Thanks for your intelligent incite. You and your girls are beautiful!
I didnt' get that impression either that you were being negative. Don't let anonymous bother you. I can't believe what people say. I used to get comments with my "irish" twins, 19 months apart. It is annoying. I won't kid you, girls are tough:) My older girls are now nearly 14 (august) and 12 this past March. Hang in there:)
To "sorta-quote" Dr. Suess -
Do what you want and say what you feel because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
Anyone with half a brain knows that you love your girls with all you've got and wouldn't trade them for the world! And I'm a conservative Republican:-)
Sad that people are so cruel.
The girls are great! Gorgeous, and I can't imagine how much fun you have with them. I think every woman has an idea of what she wants, boys or girls. My hubs is on of 4 boys, and his mother screams that if I have a girl, she's never coming near it. I want both, but I tend to lean toward girls (partly to irk my MIL...jk)because they're fun to dress and easier to name and buy presents for. The truth is, any mom who ever thought boy or girl before, forgets when the baby is in her arms.
I've been reading for awhile, and I think it comes across loud and clear that you adore your kiddos. I know it's hard when people say rude things (my MIL sent mother's day flowers to someone I really don't get along with, when she knows I can't get pregnant), but it's just because they are ignorant and mean-spirited.
I'm sorry about Jack, too, and you have every right to grieve him forever. The fact of the matter is, he was here, and now he's in Heaven, and nothing changes that. People who tell you to get over it...well...that's just awful.
Praying for you and your sweet baby girls.
Megan, I can't believe that someone would have the nerve to say that you said you hated your daughters! That is completely ridiculous! I too wanted a boy with my first pregnancy but we had a girl and I love my daughters just as much as I love my son. Every expectant mommy thinks they know what gender they want but we absolutely LOVE the child we are blessed with. Your love for your children is evident in everything you write. I am just sorry that "Anonymous" can't see that. Momma, you rock!
I am appalled at that comment! I am on the opposite end of the spectrum: I CANNOT imagine myself with a son. When I think about having children, girls are what come to mind. But, I always knew that, by thinking this way, God will bless me with all boys. You know what? I will love them as much as you love your two beautiful girls. In fact, by stating your previous desires for a boy proves how much you do love your girls.
Don't take that comment to heart. It's obviously coming from someone who has deep personal issues with her upbringing. I love your blog, and keep being open and honest, for all of us.
Megan, It so sad that there are ignorant people in the world, that would make a spiteful comment to hurt your feelings. I have read your entire blog over the course of the last 6-8 months, and while I do not know you in person, you have shared your heart and soul here, and allowed us a glimpse into your heart. Your heart is powerful, strong, compassionate, caring, kind and grieving. Since I have not walked your path, I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel when someone makes an ugly comment as you share your feelings around Jack. You will always be a mother of triplets, and you will never forget him. He came from you, he is a part of you and your history. It does not mean you love your girls any less. I can tell you from raising a girl and a boy - that you love them differently, not one less than the other.
Hang in there girl, you are one strong, wonderful woman, and try not to let the ugly words of some bring you down. You children are blessed to have you as their Mom!
I re-read your previous post and I in no way got that you "hate your daughters" that's just insane. I know from reading your blog how much you love your girls and I totally understood what you were trying to say.
Some people just like to stick their noses where they don't belong. That person is fortunate that she has never had to go through the tragedy that you have...and anyone who would question how you have dealt with that is just one of those people. Katie, Charlotte, and Jack are all SO fortunate to have you as their mom...no matter what an anonymous commentor thinks!
I have been reading your blog for awhle now and I have NEVER thought that you had anything but love for your girls! Don't let people who cannot even leave their name bother you. You know what is in your heart and that is all that matters!
I am so sorry that that woman got to you. I read your blog all the time, and never imagine for a second that you think Katie and Charlotte are "lesser." You were just talking about your expectations of the different gender relationships. She was the one with a chip on her shoulder, clearly. Try not to let it get to you too much. It's not you.
As a mom of multiples myself, I can totally relate to all the types of comments that you mentioned. I can't believe the "you'll get over it" comment. WOW, just WOW. Most people have good intentions but you wonder when someone makes a comment like that, what is going on in their head?
You love your babies. ALL of your babies. The one that came first and the one that came last. Someone once told me that people are just trying to make conversation. That's nice and all and on most days I oblige and answer questions. It's the times where I am obviously struggling in public with a meltdown or something and someone comes up and makes the comment "better you than me." Nice.
I really enjoy reading your blog and reading about the girls and Jack. I have a Jack too!
ANYONE with any common sense who reads your blog KNOWS that you are a wonderful mom who loves her daughters with all her heart. Anonymous unfortunately has some issues and decided to dump her baggage on your lap. Shame on her. And shame on that person who told you to "just get over it." Terrible.
Your blog is amazing. It is quite obvious that you adore your girls...and, the ignorant person who left that obnoxious comment obviously has her own issues.
I got the impression, from your previous entry, your daughters are your world and that you feel truly blessed being their mom.
God bless! You're amazing!
I can't believe that woman would tell you that "we've all lost one." How ignorant.
I found your other post interesting b/c I always dreamed of having girls instead of boys. And from having lost my first daughter, I can understand where you are coming from.
Some people are just RUDE and INCONSIDERATE! I can't believe some of the things they say...what do their mothers think? You are an awesome mom! Jack WILL ALWAYS be remembered and missed!
~Elyse
Megan, if people who read this blog don't realize that you completely adore your girls they are clueless. I'm sorry that something that was said upset you. It's hard when you put a few words out there and they get twisted into something else. Hugs!
And just to share, I never let any comments upset me (I always got , 'oh you have two boys' up until recently) but I had someone say to me 'Never in a million years' when she saw me dragging my shopping cart behind me in a grocery store and it really ticked me off. People can really be DUMB!
I just went back and read THE comment from your last post. It made me SO upset! How could someone be so critical of you? You who have been through hell and back. You who lost your sweet boy. You who so obviously love your little girls SO very much. I am sorry you were hurt by this. I am sorry "Anonymous" didn't have the cajones to use her real name.
YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOM! Please don't let anyone make you doubt that for one minute. We all know how much indescribable love is in your heart for Jack AND your girls. HUGS!
There is always a nasty comment that comes out of no where. Someone who probably doesn't even read your blog. It is a shame because they are missing out on a great family.
The hollowest drum beats the loudest, Megan. Hugs to you. There's a heck of a lot of people out there who manage to twist even the most harmless observation into a battle fodder.
For what it's worth, the twin comments are going to keep coming! My twin sister and I were getting the "Which one is the ornery one?" question until we were at least 13. :/
Take care!
--Melanie (Benny's mom)
So I just went back and read your last posting and that HORRIBLE response!!! I'm not quite sure where she/he got the impression that you think your girls are "bad" or are belittling" them, but WHATEVER!!! It is so so so obvious how much you adore your girls!!! Delete the comment, it is SUCH a waste of space!! So glad your girls came in third!!! They are so cute!!
I posted a reply to the Anonymous poster in your last entry. And if you read this, I emailed you twice, lol.
COngrats on the win!! That thing must have been rigged though, b/c your nesties prob wouldhave blown everyone else out of the way!!
People are tools. Enough said. I know it's hard to let things like that go sometimes, particularly when it's about areas that we all tend to feel insecure about, like our roles as mothers (who doesn't have some form of Mommy guilt), but this person is a tool and certainly was looking for the worst in your post, not taking it how it was written or presumably meant.
It's not easy putting yourself out there sometimes. But, keep doing it! It's worth it, I think.
As for the comments, I learned to take them with a bit more grace after my first twins got a little older and, suddenly, no one commented anymore. I realized that I sort of missed it. So, this time, I just enjoy the rockstar attention while it lasts... it'll be gone soon enough :)
Megan,
I've been reading your blog for a while now, but have never commented before. After reading today's entry (and going back to read the comments from your last post because I'm nosy like that), I just wanted to let you know that I think that those comments were ridiculous and way off base. You are obviously a terrific mother and you clearly adore your girls. Anyone who can't see that is crazy!
Megan,
I just wanted to show you in numbers (by adding to the long list of supporters) how off-base that comment was and how truly sorry I am that you even felt like you needed to clarify. Anyone that knows you or reads your blog can clearly tell how great of a mother you are and blessed you feel to be a mother. I know I look up to you as my girls are almost 15 months now and I always enjoy hearing about what your girls are doing so I can get ready for what comes next for us! :)
I feel so lucky that you share so openly with your readers and all I ever get from your blog is overwhelming love for your children and family!
Thanks for letting me follow your journey. I'm so sorry that that commenter made you upset and hope you know, the rest of us never read that post in that light.
People are so ignorant - congratulations on third place -I checked every one out and you all were by far the cutest of them all.
The admirer from the Jersey Shore
Moron. Plain and simple. I'm very sorry that you were attacked like that. You KNOW none of us have, for ONCE, ever thought you wouldn't give your life for your children.
and as a side note, there's a sort of symmetry to you coming in 3rd in the contest, don't you think? :-)
Hi Megan, my name is Carrie, and I came across you website from asherandjacobsfriends.com while reading a friend's site through there. Anyway, I've been reading for a while now and I have to say your girls are adorable and I can tell you love them and are proud of them. By posting pictures and videos (which are so funny by the way, loved the tater tot dancing!) you are telling the world that those girls are your world. And Jack is still in this world, just watching his sisters from another place.
I'm sorry you got such rude comments. Your blog is very enjoyable to read and whoever was being rude, obviously has trouble seeing the good in you.
I hope you continue to share stories and pics with us! I'm not a mother myself yet, but I'm still on your side! :-)
I read your blog regularly but rarely sign in. Now I have to!!! I have a girl and a boy! I love them both uncoditionally. I treat them equally and would go to the ends of the earth for them. That said - there is something about a little boy!! Just as there is something about a little girl for a man. We all have our opinions on girls vs. boys but that does not lessen the love for the actual child nor does it lead them to a life of "lesser!!!" Hang in there Megan - you have 3 beautiful children!!!!
Mom to Katie and Connor
mkenworthy@comcast.net
Megan-
I concur with what everyone else has said so I don't feel the need to repeat it. I don't know how I came across your blog, I've been reading it so long, but I feel like I "know" you to a degree. You are doing a fabulous job! And I thank you for giving me (and "us") a place to go for a quick break during the day. When you hurt, I hurt, when you are happy, I feel that too!! Keep it up and I know I'll keep reading! Just remember mean people suck and you are better than them!!! LOL
My very best to you and your wonderful family!
I've been following your blog from before you had your children and I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for opening up a window into your life and into the life of a mother of multiples.
Please, please don't let the negative get you down. They don't "know" you but they feel like they can stand and make judgements. I "want" sons and my husband "wants" daughters but we'll love what ever we get as I know you do.
*hugs*
I also have to throw my 2 cents in...everyone else has said it well, but just wanted to add my support.
I've read for forever, but not sure I've ever commented (although I did vote for Katie and Charlotte!)
That comment was down right disgusting, and in no way do you come across as anything but a fantastic and loving mother who misses the son she lost. Thank you for sharing your life with us all.
Bailey
Themartinzoo.blogspot.com
Sorry that someone was so mean! I think that your babies (all three) are adorable and are angels from God! You look like you are doing a great job and if I saw you out, I would be sure to tell you! :o) Keep your head held high and pray for the losers who say dumb and hurtful things....they will need it when karma steps in! :o) Best wishes!
I'm not going to go back and read the comments. I just want to say, as a fellow mommy blogger, you are a wonderful mother, and a wonderful blogger. I appreciate your honesty and how open you are about your feelings- all of them.
I got tears in my eyes when I read that someone said- verbally said- that everyone has had a loss and you will get over it. I don't think that woman could have said that without rethinking it later, and I doubt even she has gotten over it.
Keep on keeping on, girl. And- secretly or not so secretly- I talk and blog all the time about how prior to starting the process of trying to have kids, I told everyone I wanted boys, because I was not sure I could handle girls. 7 pregnancies later, I could care less what gender my kids are. I have two girls, and this new baby? I just hope it isn't a giraffe. Or a puppy. And the littlest girl is hoping it's Dora, while the oldest girl is just hoping the baby is not as naughty as her toddler sister.
Your girls are gorgeous and I absolutely adore your blog. Don't let the rude comments get you down, there are mean and ignorant people wherever you go. Hold onto the good and remember all of those who love and support you!
I haven't been on your blog in a long time but I am so happy you still post and are doing well. Your girls are beatiful! I cannot believe people can be so ignorant, please don't let one person bring you down or make you worry. Your blog is inspiring and I think you have made us all better, loving parents! Anyone who has followed your blog knows you love your children, you don't need to explain yourself to anyone!
Megan, I am just catching up on the entries that I've missed and I am so sorry that anyone could make you so sad over their stupid comments. You are a wonderful, loving mom and everyone who knows you knows that. I hope someday I can be half as great a mom as you. Katie, Charlotte and Jack are lucky to have your such love. *HUGS*
I have had two miscarriages and also have children and you never "get over" miscarriages. Neither are they the same as losing a full term baby and one you've had in your life for two months. I also had 4 sons before I had a daughter-I now have 8 sons and 5 daughters. My daughters have not caused me any problems through their teenage years and I love them as much as my sons-differently maybe-but just as much. I can just relate to my daughters better!
I started reading your blog shortly after your three beautiful babies were born. It has been completely apparent to me in all of your posts that you love all three of your children.
From what I can tell as a reader you are a wonderful, wonderful mommy to Miss K & C. Don't let the bad comments get to you, you are rocking this motherhood thing! :)
Hi, I'm a brand new reader to your blog (found my way here through Heather's). I read that other post you wrote and can totally relate. I had a contentious relationship with my mother, too, and couldn't picture myself with a daughter. Thank God I had one, though, since it's been the most beautiful, healing experience of my life. Ignore that ignorant statement by that anonymous commenter. It probably bought up her issues with her own mother, but she had no right to take it out on you!
It never ceases to amaze me the comments that people make. I had a really hard time dealing with the stupidity of people when my troop was young, and I wrote the following poem.
As the mother of triplets,
There are common things you hear.
Comments and questions from everyone,
Are planted in your ear.
A quick trip through the shopping mall,
Is no longer possible.
Even a jaunt to the grocery store,
Will never again be dull.
You see, people think you’ve never heard,
The things they have to say.
Little do each of them know,
You hear them every day.
“Boy you have your hands full,”
Is the most common one by far.
Many times I’ve heard it twenty times
By the time I’ve reached my car.
Everyone wants to know,
“How much did each of them weigh?”
I answer quickly, smile, and nod,
And simply walk away.
It doesn’t take long ‘til the next comment’s made,
“I’m glad it’s you and not me!”
I am too, I love these kids!
They’re my pride and joy, you see!
It makes me laugh when people say,
“Now you don’t have to have more.”
How do they know my plans in life?
Maybe I want to have four!
“Are they boys or girls?” A question asked,
While one wears blue and two wear pink.
One boy and two girls,
A question they shouldn’t need to ask…you’d think!
“How do you do it?” another question I get,
To which I quickly reply.
I feed ‘em, I change ‘em, I love ‘em all day,
And do my best to get by!
“When they all cry at once, what do you do?”
Is the question concerned folks ask.
I try to soothe and entertain them,
It is no easy task!
All of these questions wear me out,
Asked over and over each day.
But I guess they come with being a triplet mom,
And I wouldn’t have it any other way!!!
I am going to go read this comment. You are an amazing mother! Do NOT let anyone tell you otherwise!
Congrats on 3rd!!!
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