Thursday, October 4, 2007

XX Large

I'm starting to really just be too damn big. In the last couple days it's gotten a lot harder to do ANYTHING. I feel like every little task is overwhelming, from going to the bathroom to making a cup of coffee to taking a shower. I HATE THAT. I want to be able to do stuff! It just seems overwhelming, something as simple as cooking dinner. Bleh.

I know I'm lucky I made it this long - 32 weeks tomorrow - still being able to do as much as I have.... I guess I just figured I could keep going forever. But even me, the babymaking machine, has a limit. And I think I'm reaching it.

Here could be a hint as to why.... everyone is so kind saying I don't look that big... and maybe I don't, I'll admit, I've seen stomachs that stick out further or appear bigger. Mine is really spread out - it goes down. Low. It's ugly. And I used to be much heavier, so I think my body is just used to carrying weight - it knew what to do. It said welcome back, flabby friend!! Plenty of room!! LOL

But truth is, I am carrying a lot of baby, whether I look huge or not. At the OB yesterday, she went to measure my uterus (in other words, measure my stomach) and she was kind of pushing it around and pulling the measuring tape out and pushing some more... and I heard her say "Hmmm..... the tape isn't long enough...." The measuring tape, made for measuring GIGANTIC PG BELLIES, was not long enough. And I could still have 5 or 6 weeks to go.... so yes, I'm big. I said "That's not good!" and the doctor said, no no, it's great, it means the babies are getting bigger!! Yeah, great. Easy for you to say, skinny. :)

Everything at the appointment was good, the doctor was actually sort of shaking her head and laughing, she said "I've never seen anything quite like this, there's not one thing to complain about.... your cervix, your BP, the babies themselves, all are great...." These babies don't want to go anywhere. They probably know what they're in for out here..... baby jail. LOL

ONE THING though - my weight - according to their scale, this time I gained 6 pounds in one week..... which is 4 pounds since the Peri appt on Monday. Ok, no, I don't think so.... I honestly think the OB's scales are wacky - they need to calibrate them or something. Because, no, no no no.... that is just not possible.... right?

PJ is working at the firehouse today, and my friend is coming over later and taking me out to dinner. It'll take me all day to get ready..... but it'll be nice to get out.

Now let's play....

What's Made Me Cry Recently??

1. My cat

I couldn't find Leroy yesterday morning. He usually sleeps with me, especially after PJ leaves in the morning, and he wasn't. I called him and called him and he didn't come (which is totally typical cat behavior). I decided, in my crazed PG brain, that he had been eating the flowers PJ bought me (which he had) and they had poisoned him and he was now laying somewhere, dying, and I was so fat and couldn't bend over to look and would never find him in time. So I sat on the couch and sobbed and called "Leroy...... Leroy...." over and over. Til he finally came stumbling in, squinty eyed and half asleep, looking at me like WTF??? Can't a cat sleep in the attic around here???

I'm hiding amongst the Halloween decorations..... can't I get a minute to MYSELF?

2. Sam Champion

And Al Roker and Dave Price and Mike Woods (ok, not Mike Woods, he's too yummy....) but all the other weather jerks and their TERRIBLE HOT FORECASTS talking about how it's going to be 85 degrees every day for the next week, 20 degrees above normal, with no end in sight, and ha ha ha, isn't this crazy? Get out your bathing suits!! Laugh laugh laugh, hee hee hee.... it's NOT FUNNY. Not one bit. I literally laid on the couch yesterday and moaned and sweated and cried I was so hot. I am TOO FAT for this weather!

3. A blog.

I won't say which one. I'm not judging, I'm really not.... and I'm SO pro-choice, 100% absolutely. But I was reading a blog by someone yesterday PG with trips, who chose to reduce to twins at 12 1/2 weeks. It just hit me very hard. I can't imagine - I can't. Who would we not have?? One of the girls? An identical twin... leaving her sister basically missing half of herself in a way? Our little boy, who's fought so hard all these months, defied all the odds and been healthy and growing? I just, it really got to me. I could never do it. We tried so hard to make these babies.... I would forever look at my kids and think, someone is missing. I don't judge, I really don't - she did what she thought was best for her family. But I cannot imagine it.

4. This Book

It came in the mail yesterday, I ordered it. It's about these 3 little bears, and the parents telling each one why they are their 'favorite' - it is so sweet. I imagined reading it to our kids.... and the waterworks started flowing.....

5. My flowers

They're just so pretty, and it was so sweet of PJ. Even if I did think, briefly, that they killed my cat.

I could go on and on with this list... I guess I'm kind of emotional lately. It might have been easier to list what doesn't make me cry!


momofdom said...

When I said you look great, I meant it. I think that many people say it to you because (at least in photos) you llok like you are ALL BELLY. By 32 weeks with one baby, I had a bowling ball for a head and everything was big, not just the belly. You don't look like that, though I'm sure you feel that way.
I can't imagine someone choosing to reduce either. I imagine it was a hard choice for her but I could never do it.
Enjoy dinner!
Jenn (jenga)

Lesley (vedahanks from the nest) said...

I've just gotta say, I'm thoroughly enjoying you blog. You have a great style of writing and a great sense of humor. You NEED to have this published. I'm 100% serious! I would totally buy your book. It's great!

pam said...

aww! you're doing awesome. i hope i do half as well as you are doing at this point.

hang in there!!! you can laugh at me in six weeks when i'm at this point and you're holding three little babies. :D

The Hyperfertile Infertile said...

I'm sorry it's getting so rough. I'm amazed it took this long to do it, though. Honestly, you could have a career as a surrogate of triplets. You're amazing!!

There was a woman who reduced from triplets down to one after IVF. She, too, had transferred two and one split. She reduced both identicals. It really upset me at the time. I don't know how anyone can do that, especially when they are doing something like IVF and know it is a risk.

Now, I just wonder why people like her and given three healthy babies and people like me lose one. Some of us truly wanted all three. Life is not fair, but we knew that already.

Be Inspired Always said...

You look amazing :)