Mayhem

Here's how to create panic and chaos while very, VERY pregnant, without even trying!! It's fun AND easy!

I mentioned on here yesterday I was going to dinner with my best friend, Jess. I mentioned it to my husband.... briefly.... two days earlier.

PJ is a man, not just a man but a man with a lot going on and a lot on his mind. He barely pays attention to what I'm saying on a good day. So, yes, I definitely told him... but I should have reminded him yesterday, hey, I'm going out to dinner tonight! I didn't.

Jess picked me up but later than I'd expected. I usually talk to PJ at 8pm every night if he's working - she didn't end up getting here until after 7pm, by the time we left for dinner it was close to 7:30. We went somewhere VERY local, literally about 5 minutes away - as soon as we sat down I realized I forgot my cellphone. I knew exactly where it was - sitting on my kitchen counter. I said to Jess, I forgot my cell - she said, I have mine, don't worry. Okay. No worries!

About 8:30 we'd just gotten our dinner and her phone rang... she looked at it and said, "I don't know this number...." I glanced at it... I said, that's my mom.

It's probably already pretty obvious what had happened. PJ called the house, then my cell, and got no answer, and freaked out. We live in a 2 family house we own with my brother and his wife - they live on one side, us on the other. So he called my brother and said, I can't get a hold of Megan - can you go check on her? My brother and sister-in-law ring the doorbell, peer in the windows... nothing. Finally just let themselves in and tear around the whole house, expecting to find me laying on the floor somewhere giving birth to triplets, but nope. No one home. And my cellphone on the counter, my car in the driveway....

Now EVERYONE is freaking out... so my brother calls my mom who THANK GOD does listen to me when I talk, and she said, I think Jess took her out to dinner. Somehow my mom had Jess's cellphone number and called... I felt like I was 15 again and my mom had tracked me down at some party I shouldn't be at and I was in BIG TROUBLE. LOL

PJ was pretty mad. It didn't help that just days earlier I had given him a really hard time about being at the firehouse and his cellphone was dead... how could he be so irresponsible??? Did he not care he had a wife at home really PG with triplets??

It also didn't help that the place we'd gone to for dinner is a little bit of a dive... it's got great food but it's main draw is the bar... and it was karaoke night.... so when I called PJ to tell him where I was, there were a bunch of drunks in the background singing "I've Got You Babe" REALLY LOUDLY. "Hi Honey!! Stop freaking out!!! I'm in a bar!! It's karaoke night!! No need to worry!!! The babies love Jack Daniels!!" LOL. Kidding. About the Jack Daniels anyway.

So major crisis averted, although they were just minutes away from involving the police. Like my mom said, you'd think I'd be pretty hard to lose... being huge and unable to walk more than 6 steps... but I did it!!

!! MISSING !!

GIGANTIC PREGNANT WOMAN

Name: Megan

Alias: Cankles

Distinguishing Marks: Above mentioned cankles. Shaped like huge Weeble. Smells strongly of fried chicken and chocolate bars. Cries easily. Frequently heard burping.

Should be easy to catch as she's very very slow.