It's made us realize, we're having triplets. Like, SOON. As in, for real, no fooling. Three babies. All ours. Our responsibility. Coming home to live with us.
By Halloween, we very well may have 3 babies. Thanksgiving we will DEFINITELY have 3 babies. Christmas.... there will be six stockings on the mantle (like I even need to say that the cat has a stocking).
Of course we've 'known' we were have having triplets for five months now. The day after Easter was the day the RE told us... you know those two sacs we told you about? Yeah, well there's still two sacs... but one has two heartbeats in it. So there's three babies.
But they also from that first day said, now don't get your heart set on this.... the odds of you having all three babies aren't good. It's still early. There's identicals and that carries a whole set of risks. Chances of all three making it are low.... so you think, ok, we're having triplets FOR NOW. And wait for 'something' bad to happen. And it never does... never does... when do you stop waiting for the bad news? At what week do you finally say, okay, we're having 3 babies? Obviously I think we're pretty safe in saying it now- and should have accepted it a long time ago. But you don't want to set yourself up to be even more heartbroken then you inevitably will be if something happens, so you don't let yourself get too set on anything.
You'd think, in over 20 weeks of thinking and talking and planning for triplets it would hit, finally sink in, but no.... I don't think it really did. It's just so HARD to wrap your head around.
It's kind of like that first month you're married, when someone would call you by your married name or you'd check the 'married' box on some form and say, HOLY CRAP, I'm married. Yeah, kind of like that.... times about a thousand.
HOLY CRAP WE'RE HAVING THREE BABIES.
My husband called me from work on Saturday and said "So I was thinking.... we're having three babies. And you're not working. Um, how are we going to pay for this?" Uh, yeah, helloooo..... I've been saying that for months.... it finally hit him too. Better late than never I guess.
The upside of the sudden blinding stomach churning terror, is that the flip side of the reality has hit a little also. The side that makes you excited. These are babies!! These things, making my stomach do funny jumps and pushing on my belly button from inside (OW) and making me fat and unable to sleep and giving me huge cankles, they are really living breathing little people. They're sweet, tiny, perfect little babies.... and they're MINE (ok, OURS). I'm going to be someone's MOM. Three someones!!!
I've had a kind of disconnect all these months - I've even told people that it hadn't sunk in. It won't sink in fully I think until I am standing in my home with three babies. But it's getting a lot more real, in both absolutely wonderful and absolutely terrifying ways.
Babies, stay in there a few more weeks -for your own good, and ours. We need more time to adjust. We're slow learners.
Things I Hope My THREE Babies Love:
- Reading. Learning, knowledge. I hope they want to know everything, about everything.
- Their cat. All animals (but especially Leroy :)
- Music. Rap and Hip Hop (Kanye! Jay Z!! Justin!! LOL)
- Christmas. Holidays, birthdays, special days, with your family. That they always want to celebrate, make them special, see each other, no matter how old they are.
- The world. I drive PJ nuts saying, look at the sky! isn't it beautiful?! Look at the ocean today, it's so perfect! Look at those flowers in bloom, those leaves changing..... I never get over the beauty that's around us every day. I hope they see it too.
- People. ALL people - that they see the beauty and strength in people, especially ones who are different from them.
- God. I'm not crazy religious, but being Catholic has given me a lot of strength and comfort. I seriously credit the Blessed Mother and St. Gerard with blessing us with these babies.
- Family. Even the wacky members.
- Silliness. Laughter. This family is built on it.
- Each other. ALWAYS. For their whole lives, they love each other and stick together.
- Themselves. It's hard to love yourself. I've never quite learned. But it makes your life so much better. It stops you from doing so many stupid stupid things when you love and care for yourself.
- Their mom. I already know they will LOVE their dad. He will be their favorite person in the world. I hope I'm a close second.