Friday, May 21, 2010

Clubbed

There's this 'club'. It's membership grows every day.

If you've lost a child.

If you've held your child in your arms while they took their last breath.
Or they never breathed at all.

If you're trying to figure out how to explain to your children why their sibling lives in 'heaven'.
If they wave and say 'hi' every time they drive past a cemetary.

If there are tiny hats
or bracelets
or blankets
or teddy bears
or tear stained pictures
that you hold onto to try and remember.
to try and fill the huge hole.
to try and keep you close to them.

If you go to places like this to feel at home, and know you're not alone.

You're in the club.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry you joined. So so very sorry.

I hope it helps, even just a tiny bit, to know that you are not, and will never be alone. There are so many of us, and we feel your heartache. We cry tears for your child, and our child, and all the children who are loved and missed and remembered every minute of every day.

And every time we get a new member, we cry again.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

The words in your post moved me to tears. Sadly, I am in the club too. Like you, I am the mommy of triplets (ours are bbg). And also like you, one of our trio (our daughter) is in heaven. Like Jack, she lived her 62 days of life in the hospital and never came home to our house. As we celebrate all the joys of raising our boys, now 16 months old, we miss our daughter and wish she was here in our arms. But she will always be in our hearts.

Beth Anne Krahn

Laura *MrsShrek1028* said...

thank-you for this, i too am part of that club.

kecarr said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bethany said...

I feel your post was speaking right to me - thank you for feeling my pain and sorrow. For acknowledging my daughter, my feelings, my hurt. Your words comforted me and my raw heart. I'm so sorry that you know what I need to hear. I'm sorry we are in this club together.
Bethany
mom to 5 children and 1 angel darling - Scarlett Victoria
http://musingsofmunchkinland.blogspot.com/

Amanda said...

What a beautiful post Megan! No one ever hopes to join that club, but it is comforting to know that such strong, supportive people are waiting to help the moms when they need it most,

Jill said...

That is absolutely beautiful! I am part of the club too :( I am the mom to triplets just like you and one of them now lives in heaven. My triplets are BBB with 2 being identical. One of my identical boys passed away after 8 precious days in the NICU. I am so thankful for those 8 days, but dream every day to watch him run, jump, and give me a hug like his brothers.

Jessica said...

I hate being in this club too but it is definitely full of amazing, supportive women. Beautiful post!

studentrntiffany said...

Beautifully written. THank you.

Jill said...

I am not in this club but I would nominate Kecarr absolutely. Giant hugs to all of you.

Anonymous said...

I hope to never be in this club but what a beautiful post....Hugs!

Angela Rodman said...

I wandered over to your blog from Glow in the Woods. I love this post. My Charlotte died less than two hours after she was born on the 14th. I miss her so much, but I am glad I am not alone in this journey.

Anonymous said...

Megan- this is so beautiful and so sad... I'm not in the club and pray I never will be- but sadly know too many who are in the club - and I know how much it hurts you when new people "join". You put your feelings to words so beautifully. Missing Jack... and JW... and all the others.
Gail

Anonymous said...

I too am in the club, we lost Carter to pertussis at 7 weeks old. He has been gone 4 months and 24 days and it feels like yesterday. This is a link to Carter's story.

Felicia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u0dnlDSo0g