Back when we were doing our IVF, I belonged to a message board with other women going through the same thing. They helped me more than I can ever explain, the support and friendship was incredible, and many of those women are still my good friends today.
I am one of those people who never delete emails... my inboxes are ridiculously full. But in this case, I am happy about my laziness because I still have all the emails I sent out to that Infertility Message group from when we were going through IVF and first pregnant. It's like a little mini 'blog' of that time for me. I'm so happy to have it all - I'd forgotten so much of the details of the IVF and beginnings of my pregnancy. How exciting it all was! And what a complainer I was. :)
(WARNING: This is very long and may be of no interest to anyone but me..... )
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January 11, 2007 – Thursday
I feel like I’m planning my wedding again, except now I'm talking about sperm and menstruation instead of ribbon wands and personalized cocktail napkins. And it's not nearly as fun.
There's so much to remember! I can't eat after 10 tonight for my blood work tomorrow...... eat lunch on Wednesday before the HSG, and start taking the antibiotic Tuesday, and be sure and take it with food.... don't wear deodorant to my mammogram next Saturday (gross)... I need an assistant.
January 15, 2007 – Friday
My nurse called me and made me feel a lot better about my FSH number (I had been freaking out that they left me a message saying the results of my bloodwork showed my FSH was a little high at 12…like a dope I googled it and freaked myself out that my eggs were definitely old and dried out and DONE). She said it's higher than they'd like, but it's not terrible, it's by no means the end - it just means, we need to get going.
January 30, 2007 - Tuesday
Our first appointment (at the Fertility Clinic) went really well!! I made myself really nervous, but it all went fine. Dr. G is the BEST, I like her so much - she answered all our questions and put PJ at ease right away.
We are definitely going right to IVF with ICSI... and we're starting ASAP!! My period is due next week and she said to call the day it starts and they'll have me in to start the birth control! We have to go for the class on the injections and meds but other than that, we're ON. I am so excited. I feel really hopeful for the first time in months.
February 13, 2007 - Tuesday
I started the birth control pills on Friday.... taking them until the 22nd, then the 27th we start the injections. Yikes.
February 20, 2007 - Tuesday
We will HOPEFULLY be starting the injections (stims to make you produce more eggs) next Monday. I'm still on the birth control pills right now - not loving them particularly. I had a headache for the entire first week, and now I'm constantly spotting. I thought they were supposed to stop you from getting your period.....
February 23, 2007 - Friday
I got my huge box of medication delivered right after I got home from work yesterday. It was so exciting, and overwhelming at the same time. PJ was at work so I called to tell him, and I kept saying "I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT TO DO WITH ANY OF THIS!" LOL
It was sort of like some weird Christmas with a present full of syringes.
February 26, 2007 - Monday
(We had been discussing the Catholic Church’s stance against IVF)
I've been thinking about this a lot. My first response was that I didn't care.... the church takes a lot of stands that I don't agree with (Birth control, pre marital sex, homosexuality.... actually, I don't agree with them about much).
But I've been going to church a lot lately, and praying so often, and feeling really connected to being a Catholic. I went to church Saturday night and was wondering, am I praying for help with this and I shouldn't be? How is that possible? How could God possibly not want this for me... I most often pray to Mary and I can't help but feel like, Mary understands. I don't care what the Pope says.
Honestly, when I'm in church I feel nothing but hope. I feel like it's the right thing to do and that heaven understands even if the Pope doesn’t. I feel like, we're not alone in this. The Blessed Mother is always with me. Do I pray for her to help me get pregnant -sometimes, but not necessarily. I pray for courage, for hope, for strength. I pray that she's with me and God's with me and they help us to get through and accept and be happy with whatever happens. And I really do feel so much comfort from it, like, no matter what, it's all okay.
God has always answered my prayers. They're just never answered when or necessarily HOW I want them answered.
February 27, 2007 - Tuesday
Went to (Fertility Clinic) this am for my first ultrasound and blood work to hopefully start the injections today. OF COURSE I have an issue.... My left ovary has two follicles that are already at 15. Dr. G said, that's bad.... they're too advanced and the others won't be able to catch up. She said we'll have to wait and see what the blood work says, and my uterine lining looks good (nice and thin she said...) but this is a 'concern.' Hopefully the blood work will say I'm not too far into the cycle or whatever. We'll see.
Later that day…
My nurse just called me - it's been a long afternoon WAITING!! LOL
She said my blood work showed that the larger follicles are non-estrogen producing and will probably just disappear. So that's great news! I can start my injections tonight! So tonight I do the Follistim and lo-dose HCG . And then I go back on Friday to have them checked again. I'm so excited! :)
March 4, 2007 – Sunday
I went to (Fertility Clinic) this morning. From what I gathered I have a 14, two 12s, and an 11 and then about 5 more under ten (these are follicles that will hopefully produce eggs….you want lots of them). I'm not sure if that's good or bad...doesn't seem like very many….
I'm upping my follistim to 300 at night from 225 and I have to start the ganorilex (SP?) tonight - another shot. Yay.
AND we went to Philly this afternoon to see my new nephew. He is the cutest baby in the world - I swear to God, he's adorable. I wanted to steal him. I told PJ, that just made me want a baby 100 times more - I held him for 2 hours and wanted to take him home. :)
March 6, 2007 - Tuesday
My ultrasound went well - had a bunch of follicles, I lost count - two 16s, a 15, two 14s... Dr. G said it looks really good and I'll be back tomorrow morning and tomorrow could be it! We'd do the trigger shot tomorrow night and the egg retrieval would be Friday. I'm so excited... I’ve got my fingers crossed it all works out. I was dreaming all night about my ovaries, that I could feel them getting bigger... hopefully it was a premonition!
Later that day…
My nurse just called - she said tomorrow will probably be the day for the trigger shot. She said it looks like I have at least 5 good follicles - which isn't a huge number, but she said it's enough and that they look good. SO - I hope I hope!! LOL
March 7, 2007 - Wednesday
I went to (Fertility Clinic) this morning (through the snow... it was slippery!) Had Dr. D and I have to say I LOVED him - he was so nice and really explained everything to me that he was seeing on the screen. I had 2 big follies on the right (18 and 16) and a smaller one (12). Then on the left I had a bunch... and 18, a 17, a 15... I don't even remember.
And he said my uterus looked beautiful. LOL
So tonight's the HCG shot (I had the nurse draw a big x on my butt!) and then Friday is egg retrieval. I'm so excited! I feel kind of nauseous actually, but that could be the egg sandwich I got from Dunkin Donuts.
March 9, 2007 - Friday
Everything went well with our egg retrieval this morning. We were the first couple of the day which was great, it was nice to get it done with. They got 6 eggs so that's pretty good - now we just have to hope some of them turn into embryos!
March 10, 2007 - Saturday
I just got the call from (Fertility Clinic) - this is SO NERVE WRACKING !! LOL
She said of the 6 eggs they retrieved, four were mature enough to do the ICSI on and of those 4 - all four were fertilized! She said it looks good so far and that based on the numbers we'll probably have them put in on Monday.
March 12, 2007 - Monday
We had the transfer this afternoon. We ended up with three embryos, the doctor said they were all 8 celled and they all looked good. So all three went in!
I also got the laser acupuncture as part of a study (the clinic) is doing... hopefully it helped!
So now I’m just sitting on the couch, willing those three little eggies to stay put and grow grow grow - well, at least one anyway!
March 16, 2007 - Friday
(Fertility Clinic) called and said my progesterone level is excellent... I know that really has nothing to do with whether or not I'm pregnant, but I figured I'll try and take it as a good sign!!
March 23, 2007 - Friday
(Fertility Clinic) just called…and I'm pregnant!! The 15 home pregnancy tests I took were right!! She said everything looks really good - my beta is 210 and I have to go in Sunday for more blood work.
I can't believe it!! I'm in shock. I'm so happy.
March 25, 2007 - Sunday
I went for blood work this morning for my 2nd beta...I got a message that my numbers are really good and they'll see me on April 1st for the ultrasound! I still can't believe this is real.
I'm going to tell my mom tomorrow night when she gets back from Cape May - I told PJ that'll make it seem real, once my mom knows.
I went to mass at 5:30 last night, like I've been doing every week -and I think it finally started to hit me. Every week I've gone and prayed and prayed to God, Mary, St. Gerard to please help us - when I went yesterday it was like, I finally realized what's happened. I cried through the whole mass - the people around must have thought something terrible had happened to me... if they only knew.
April 1, 2007 - Sunday
First ultrasound this morning and…. it's TWINS. There's two definite egg sacs!! I think PJ is in a state of shock. The doctor said everything looks like it should and I'm exactly 5 weeks - to come back next Monday and they should be able to see the heartbeats.
She also said that there's still a SLIGHT possibility of it being three - since 3 embryos were put in it's possible one is just behind the others... but unlikely.
It's still hitting us I think.... we're both really happy though (well I am... PJ keeps talking about his four jobs he's going to have to work.. LOL).
April 9, 2007 - Monday (Second ultrasound aka HOLY CRAP)
WELL...... we had our 2nd ultrasound this morning. I had a really crazy weekend, we had 20 people at our house yesterday for Easter . I was so exhausted last night but I couldn't sleep I was so worried about today... I literally slept maybe 2 hours. I just had a bad feeling all weekend that something had happened - I told PJ this morning I felt like we weren't going to see any heartbeats.
Something happened alright - one of the eggs split. SO NOW THERE'S THREE. A set of identical twins and then another one. We saw and heard all three heartbeats - Dr. D said everything looked perfect, but to keep in mind it's still really early and who knows whatnature has in store for us... he said the chance of miscarriage with identical twins is really high, of at least one.
I am beside myself. PJ's face was something I will never forget when the doctor said there were three.
April 16, 2007 Monday
I went at the crack of dawn this morning, in the pouring rain for my appointment (it seems like there's always some hideous weather the day I have to go.... LOL). Anyway - all 3 look great. Hearts were beating faster than last week, all three grew and are measuring 7 weeks exactly. It was very exciting.
April 23, 2007 - Monday
Went this morning - Dr. G told me good bye, and to come back and visit....it was sad!! I'm going to really miss her - I told her, I can't thank her enough.
The babies all looked great - she said they're already photogenic!! All three had strong heartbeats and had grown a lot just in the last week - they're all measuring over 8 weeks, the single one is measuring 8 weeks 5 days. They told me I'm a star patient - that I couldn't have done better - and told PJ, he did okay too.... LOL
May 23, 2007 – Wednesday
We had a LONG morning at the Perinatologists. We met with the genetic counselor and the doctor and had a realllly long ultrasound that was great - we saw all three babies, arms waving, legs kicking...
We found out the twins are almost definitely identical - they do have a thin membrane separating them (which is good) but they share a placenta (which is not good - makes it much higher risk – of course). They looked great though - the one was laying on top of the other and kept head butting him - poor thing! (I now know, that was Katie torturing Charlotte…already) We heard a lot about the risks of triplets, and then the risk of identicals thrown in makes it even worse.
The NT results (nucheal translucency test) on the twins was great.... really low. The result on the third baby wasn't as good. It was 2.9mm which is a little high - he said over 3 is bad, but they like it to be 2.5mm or under. From what I've read, 2.9mm is the HIGHER end of normal.
Normally the blood work would help to decide the risk but since it's triplets, the blood work is basically useless.... so we're going to have the CVS done tomorrow mostly because I will kill myself with worry if we don't.
Later that day….
The doctor's office called and said the final results of the NT (they do calculations taking your age and other things into account) are that the risk of the twins having down's syndrome is 1 in 702 - which is great. Anything over 300 is awesome. The risk to the single baby is 1 in 19. Which is really scary - but she said to look at it like this - there's a 95% chance the baby is fine.
I'm having the CVS first thing Friday morning - hopefully the results won't take too long. I guess the good side is, the CVS will tell us the sex of the baby - we're dying to know. (A CVS is similar to an amnio, but done earlier in pregnancy).
June 1, 2007 - Friday
The results are in from the CVS on the twins - they are perfect and they're GIRLS!!!! I can't even get a hold of PJ to tell him!
Now we still just have to worry about little Baby C - hopefully he's (or she's) fine too!
I can't believe it - I was SURE they were boys. GIRLS!! PJ is going to FLIP!
Later that day…
They just called - everything is FINE with Baby C!!! And it’s A BOY. So two girls and a boy! I am so relieved, and happy.
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11 comments:
I read through my posts on my IVF message board sometimes, too. It's so strange to go back and read those posts, and remember how you felt, particularly before something bad happened. I like remembering the time when I was pregnant with three healthy babies, and those posts allow me that (because, sadly, it seems like what happens later eclipses the memories of the feelings back then).
"I guess the 15 home pregnancy tests I did were right!" HAHAHAHA YOU CRACK ME UP!
Actually when I went to the doctor and told him 'i'm pregnant' he said 'did you do a home test' and i said 'yes i did four of them' and he laughed. i probably would have done 15 like you but i was too lazy to go back to the store...
It's crazy all you had to do to get pregnant. but look who you got out of the whole deal! Also you were very lucky it happened on the first try, imagine going through that several times? Or going through it, having it not work and ending up on an adoption list for 3 years. Hooray for technology (and screw what the catholics say.. although i'm currently pleased with them because i tried out their genius method of rhythm birth control after i got married i ended up pregnant after 2 weeks ha ha!)
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I stumbled across your blog by accident (checking out the Coseno triplets actually)and I couldn't help but tear up while reading it. I have 3 kids myself (no triplets tho! lol) and I can only imagine the bittersweet emotions you've been through in the past couple yrs. Your story is one full of HOPE and RESILIENCE and I am grateful to have caught a glimpse into the beauty of your family's life! It is hard to find God in the midst of tragedy and it's inspiring to see that instead of crumbling under your loss, you've pushed on and made something good come out of it. Your babies are absolutely adorable. Thank you again for sharing your story!!!! God Bless you all :)
It is awesome to read that. I am dealing with IF and will be starting Chlomid in July (going through tests right now) and I am praying that Chlomid will be successful.
Wow, that was like a little trip down memory lane for me, too!
Megan - I remember those posts so well. It was such an exciting time and I'm AMAZED you kept them all! What a great way to relive it.
What a neat way for you to recollect your thoughts and feelings!
That is the first time I read those posts... I got sucked right in and was looking for more at the end!!
What a sweet time, I'm sure you will always cherish those days.
Hugs & Blessings
I've been a reader for just under a year, and I loved this post. It was really neat to read these posts, which are so full of emotion. I appreciated the peek into your faith and seeing how it had an impact on you. Thanks for sharing!
I found your posts during your IVF very interesting!!! I feel like I know you a little better now.
I'm in a group like that (we were all pregnant with multiples at the same time, due at the same time, etc) THe support and friendships made are amazing. It was neat reading your journey.
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