There are days when all I want is someone to say his name.
Not my husband, or my mom, or the people I know are thinking about him, missing him like I am missing him.
I want someone else, someone I don't expect, to bring him up. Days, weeks can go by where no one mentions him. No one. I know, as time goes on, it will be easier and easier to let him slip away.
It's not like he'll come up in conversation. "That Jack, he loved the Giants!" or "Jack always put the star on top of the tree....."or "Jack would have ordered the chocolate cake, he couldn't pass up chocolate, remember?"
No. We don't have those kinds of memories. We don't know who Jack would have been. What he would have loved. But he was still here.
Jack had the chubbiest little boy hands.
Jack had his mommy's nose.
Jack loved to be held.
Jack would grab on to your finger and hold on for hours.
Jack would fight to stay awake if he knew you were there.
Jack got to ride in a helicopter.
Jack had two sisters.
Jack was here.
I miss the world with Jack in it.
I know it takes courage to say his name to me. Say "I was thinking of Jack today...." Say "I know you must miss Jack." His name is like magic. Saying it brings him back into the world, even if for just a little while.
Of all the cards the girls received for their birthday, only one mentioned Jack. I didn't expect anyone to mention him, I'm not upset that people didn't. But the one that did, my sister-in-law's parents, meant so much to me. I love them for having the courage to mention Jack. They had written across the bottom, under the "Happy Birthday Katie and Charlotte!",
"We are thinking of Jack today too."
Thank you. Thank you for thinking of Jack today. Thank you for telling me when you do. Know if you are thinking of him, I am thinking of him. I am always thinking of him.