(I'm riding in the car with both babies and they're sound asleep in their carseats.)
I really really want a coffee.
But I can only get coffee from a drive-thru... not taking these girls out of the car.
Where is there a drive-thru?
There's a McDonalds not too far.
Forget the coffee, I'll try their new Sweet Tea.
I love anything with the word sweet in it. Sweet potato. Sweet roll. Sweet Tarts.
Can't just get iced tea though. I'll get an apple pie too.
I haven't had a McDonald's apple pie in forever.
No, I had one at CHoP.
We ate a lot of Mickey D's at CHoP.
We ate a lot of McDonald's at St. Barnabas too.
We ate McDonald's the day the helicopter came to take Jack to CHoP. We brought the food up to the little family lounge in the NICU and ate it and watched out the window, waiting to see the helicopter fly in.
When they finally arrived, the team of doctors and nurses rushed around getting Jack ready, I was signing forms, PJ had to run downstairs and get copies of Jack's xrays.
As they were about to load Jack into his little carrier, one of the pilots made everyone stop what they were doing. He said "STOP!! Let mom kiss him goodbye."
And they all watched me as I walked over and kissed him and held his hand and said I'd see him in Philly. I told him he was going to ride in a helicopter to a wonderful hospital where they would make him all better.
Why didn't they make him all better?
Why can't I kiss him goodbye, just one more time.
How did I start thinking about this. Now I can't stop crying.
I really want a coffee.
I really want that day back, even just to say goodbye to Jack one more time.
All roads, they lead me back to Jack.
You're gone four months today Jack.
As cliched as this is, it's true.... I miss you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.
Every day, you feel further and further away from me.
And every day I miss you more.