I'm going to try and go to the memorial, I've decided. I want to, I think. Thank you for all the support and notes about it. It helped me to feel like I CAN go, and get through it. I think I feel like, I got through so much at CHoP already... I held it together through everything. I really did... I talked to doctors, signed papers, met with social workers, eavesdropped on rounds, and held myself together, FOR JACK, even on the very worst days. Now Jack is gone. I'm worried, there is nothing to make me hold it together anymore.
My hope is, the memorial service will give me some closure on CHoP. It will make it a place I can look back at with loving memories of my son. It will stop it from being this devastatingly sad place in my mind and in my dreams.
In totally and completely unrelated news, the girls have had some FOOD. Sort of. The pediatrician had said to wait until the babies were six months, but we cheated and tried a few days early. Shoot me - Katie just seems really hungry to me. She is obsessed with our food and watching us eat. So we tried some rice cereal... and no one loved it. Katie was better with it than Charlotte though. She actually opened her mouth, took the food in, sort of swished it around, then made a horrified face and spit it out. Charlotte pretty much just wanted to chew on her bib.
We had the same results with oatmeal.
I thought maybe if I gave Katie something she liked, we'd have better luck, so I hauled myself out to Whole Foods yesterday (with Charlotte) and bought about 10 organic bananas, mashed part of one up this morning, gave it to Katie and... same results. So now I have a ton of organic bananas which will probably make some great bread or cake, at least.
I've decided to give it a break for a few days, see what the doctor says on Tuesday. We will try again though!
Yesterday PJ put the girls high chairs together - they look so cute and seem to really like sitting in them. Of course I took a ton of pictures, and I'm sorry to say, made them all into a 4 minute montage... that's right FOUR MINUTES. What can i say, I got carried away. Here is my masterpiece though, a little film I entitled, Let's Eat!!!
Sorry so long.... that's four minutes of your life you'll never get back!! :)