Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Please, NO pictures!!

The babies are FIVE MONTHS OLD today!! I can't believe it. We spent a very nice day out with friends, and I had planned on taking the girls' monthly pictures when we got home..... but they were both a little bit over-tired, and not feeling the whole photo shoot thing. AT ALL.

In typical fashion, Katie starts out pretty happy and Charlotte starts out as.... well... as Charlotte. Attitude!!:

Things went downhill fast though... if they weren't crying, I couldn't get them to STOP SUCKING on their hands. They suck on them to the point where they gag themselves. It's quite lovely.

The only one who cooperated was the bear - and for that, he got the patented "Charlotte Stink-Eye" and a good talking to... "Listen bear, we're in no mood for this... stop playing along!":

So tomorrow I will try again, and do the whole five month update entry then. The girls have got to be happier in the morning. Don't they?

Here's a couple pics of them from Sunday, looking sweet in their "Irish-type" sweaters. I have to admit, in these pictures, they look pretty similar. Maybe even identical. I think I will never see them as being identical, they look so different to me, but I am starting to see in pictures how people could mix them up. Oh, and it's Katie on the left, Charlotte on the right. In case Katie's HUGE GRIN didn't give it away.

In other news.....

One of my favorite bloggers, Lotta of Mom-o-Matic, started a new group called "Gin in My Apron Pocket." She describes it as being "a new group that focuses on working on your sanity, your life and your looks". Since I need help with all those things (particularly the sanity part), I joined up. Plus I want to be able to have an excuse for carrying gin around in my pocket.

She did a list of 7 Reasons to start counting points again (in Weight Watchers). I long ago gave up the dream of being any smaller than this and honestly, as long as my pants fit I don't even weigh myself. No need to know that exact number. So I decided I will write the:

Seven Things I'm Going to Do to Help my (Pretty Low right now) Self Esteem:

1. Get a Pedicure. I have not had a pedi since right before the babies were born, so let's say end of September. My feet, they are scary. My husband, who is grossed out by nothing, finds them disgusting. Enough said.

2. Remember to put lotion on my embarrassingly dry, cracked, bleeding paws, I mean hands.

3. Stop pulling on my droopy neck skin and making turkey gobbling sounds every time I look in the mirror.

4. Tweeze my eyebrows more than once a... well it's been a while. They need a serious tweeze.

5. Try to get some more sleep, I am so so tired, and try to eat at least one meal a day that doesn't involve frosting, chocolate or processed cheeze-food. Considering it's about midnight and I'm eating a Cadbury chocolate bar, I need help with this one. The candy bar does have raisins in it though.... if that helps.

6. Stop responding to compliments with things like "No, I know I look like crap." When people say "You look great, I can't believe you had triplets!" I will not say "You should see what's going on under these clothes... YIKES!! It's terrifying!" I need to learn to just say Thank You.

7. Stop blaming myself for Jack being sick. This one will be hard. I am not rational about it right now, and no amount of doctors or anyone telling me it's not my fault can change my mind. It was my job to give him a healthy start, make him a whole, healthy baby and I failed him.

I think I 'll start with the pedicure. That one definitely sounds the easiest.


Mary Knapp said...

You make me smile. I know you make Jack smile. What a lucky boy to have a Mom who is just so "you". I know he has his little chest puffed out in heaven with pride!(Girls are mightly lucky as well =)).

I think a pedicure is always a good place to start! (and yes..in my opinion...the raisins do count!!)

Praying for you and yours for quite some time now but just never left a message before. But who can resist a list like that! =)

Amanda said...

If you ever figure out how to end the blame thing, let me know, would ya? I don't think any of the doctors, our friends, family, even husbands can understand that feeling...

My name is Tammie said...

Raisins so count! Be kind to yourself. You are doing great.

Lotta said...

I have to use this stuff my dermatologist gives me called Kerafoam or my feet are disgustingly dry. Works like a charm except it's like 50% pee. They say "urea" but I've got a dictionary, I know what "urea" is!

As for 7. Your job was to give Jack a beautiful, loving home inside of you. Which you absolutely did.

And I'll just add that when I get depressed I just fixate on the worst things about myself and don't let go. Medication seems to take me out of that place. If your not taking something, don't be afraid to. It won't make you not "feel", but it will help you to sort out some things without beating yourself up.


AG said...

Hi, I stumble upon your blog. Honestly, I think you are doing great, and your girls are simply adorable.

Allison&Jeff said...

I have to say that you absolutely crack me up. Your blog sounds like a conversation that my best friend & I have. I also love that Charlotte has such a big personality....I have a 5 week old and I put it this way, he's just a senior citizen trapped inside a 5 week old body. He's come back to earth and he's not happy about it, lol. I swear, he doesn't cry, he just yells at me.

Have a great pedicure and bring a chocolate bar along with you!

Anonymous said...

Don't leave off with the pedi, get a mani too! You deserve it!

pam said...

katie and charlotte are definitely starting to look more alike. interesting...

raisins definitely count.

you are an inspiration in so many ways.

Anonymous said...

I think as mothers we blame ourselves for everything. I have not lost a child, but my 3 year old recently had to get glasses. Despite the fact that my hubby and all 4 of her grandparents also wear glasses, I somehow felt that her need for glasses was MY fault and was passed down from me genetically.

Go for the pedi! One of my goals for myself this year is to create more "me time." YOU are so worth it! :)
--A Mom in Jacksonville, FL

leona said...

The pedicure is a very good place to start! My son alsp sucks on his hands and fingers so hard he gags too, then I have to pull them out of his mouth while he's gagging because he doesn't get the concept of taking them out to stop!

Cristina said...

Your blog is amazing. I found it through thenest boards and I have to say that your courage is inspiring. Definitely start with the pedicure and take things from there. (Raisins count regardless of what they're covered in lol)

Millicent said...

The girls are gorgeous as always! I like your list I could steal most of them for myself. If you find a way to be kinder to yourself, let me know. I am bad at that myself...

Jen said...

Hi. I heart your blog. The girls are beautiful and you look so great in your pictures. Still, I can see where you might be in serious need of a few things for yourself (pedi, lotion, SLEEP).
I am so very inspired by you. Just wanted you to know that. Not only is Jack's memory living in me, someone who's never met anyone in your family - your strength to go on living and find joy in each day despite your pain is a true inspiration.

Katie said...

That second picture of Charlotte def. looks like an "attitude pic" with her hand on her hips, lol!

They are starting to look more and more alike, but as there mother, i'm sure you can see the difference.

Good luck with your 7 steps!!! If it makes you feel any better I haven't had a pedicure, in um, FOREVER!

the schirano triplets said...

i think the same thing of my girls...i know they are identical, but all i can see are their differences and so when i tell people that they look nothing alike they look at me with a what starts off as a blank stare and slowly moves to a quizzical frown and then they just shake their heads. in some pictures i can totally tell your girls apart and in others...not so much. regardless they are beautiful! happy 5 months :) i agree with tammie by the way, be kind to yourself - you are doing amazing! and once again, raisins DO count :)

Anonymous said...

Your girls are beautiful and I do think they look alot alike. I also see alot of Jack in them. You are an amazing person with a beautiful family. Thanks for sharing them with us
Hugs from Missouri,

Anonymous said...

Wow, I can't believe 5 months old already! The girls are adorable and are so big all of a sudden.

Go get that pedicure, take the gin and get a candy bar on the way!

Take care Megan!

CT Knottie Jenn

Anonymous said...

Katie and Charlotte are beautiful little girls and are getting so big! I find it amazing that little personalities are so evident, even at such a young age. They are adorable!

I wish you luck with each item on your list of 7! I know that #7 will be the most difficult. After losing our son, I also dealt with overwhelming guilt. While pregnant, I wanted to make everyting so perfect for the babies-- to protect them and keep them from harm. I viewed this as my "job"... and I felt as though I had failed them and that his death was entirely my fault. I can tell you that I have learned to let go of some of the guilt and have quit blaming myself. I'm a mommy not Superwoman! You did not fail Jack at all. He is lucky to have been born into such a loving and caring family!

I don't know if you have seen this video or not. I'll warn you, it deals with the loss of a little boy with a chromosomal abnormality. The story is a tear jerker, but has a great message. Although Jack and Eliot's lives were painfully short-- they each have touched many hearts and their memories will live on forever.

Thanks for sharing your amazing little boy (and your girls, too) with us all. Tracy

Gillian said...

Please, please, please.. turn this into a book. You are SO amazingly talented.. as a person, a writer and most importantly, as a Mommy. You've got the beautiful girls and Jack's amazing legacy to show for it..

Go for a pedicure. Focus a bit on you. You DEFINITELY deserve it. Nice toes always make ME feel a little better about things..

Jean said...

I think its writing your goals down is great. I totally understand where you are coming from. One of my resolutions this year was to not wear my clothing to bed and shower every day. I have not stuck to my resolutions. Also, I gave up shaving my leg hair entirely in winter. :) As mothers, I think we do blame ourselves for things that happen to our children. We just always think we could or should have done better. I think I and everyone else can tell you it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could have done differently, but you have to tell yourself that and believe it. Take care... I think of your family every day. You are such a great mom. You have beautiful children who have been blessed with a caring, loving mother. Jack knew that too, you can see it in his eyes in the pictures.

Becky said...

I like this list! I think I should take a few pointers from you. The girls look gorgeous- they are starting to look different from one another, at least more noticeably. So thanks to your list, I can tell you how amazing you look while knowing you can't argue with me in your head! I really think you are either totally gorgeous or just the most photo-friendly person on the planet. Those professional pictures you posted recently were really stunning. So enjoy the fact that you had triplets and still look great!!

Thinking of you and your family as always,


Anonymous said...

I have the same list! Let's go get pedicures together!

Anonymous said...

I am constantly amazed that you are able to find time to write on your blog. You should add that to the list of things to be proud of and not be so hard on yourself about - you are amazing! You keep us all updated and entertained (and the girls' photos are too much). I have 2 kids (one big, one little) and like you it is hard to find time to shower most days. (I know, Eww.)

I have to add, too, that I can totally relate to the lack-of-pedicure and to the 'fun' Sunday afternoons out to - Costco. That is my life these days in a nutshell, too!

Anyway, on a more exciting note, I wanted to give you this update (I'm sorry I haven't filled you in in awhile, there wasn't much happening, but now...): do you remember I posted a while back about my 10 year old wanting to hold a toy drive in Jack's memory? Well, we just completed it!

Yesterday we delivered the toys to Winthrop hospital in Mineola. Our goal was to raise 40 toys (one for each bed in the kid's ward). Well, we collected over 50 toys!! Plus - this was awesome - our aunt works for a kid's furniture co, and they donated a fantastic dollhouse and a toy fire station for the hospital playroom.

I have lots of photos. No idea how or if I could post them here, so email me at jb082505@yahoo.com if you'd like to see them!

Hope that news helps cheer you up a bit. We're all thinking of you!
- Jennifer

annie said...

I just wanted to say that you're the kind of mom I hope to be one day. You have a great humor about it all, even though you've also been through a terrible ordeal with Jack. It's hard to give yourself a break, but you so deserve one.

I am sending all my happy thoughts, and I totally think you deserve a pedicure. Yay!

P.S. You look lovely in your picures--take a compliment!! :)

Hilary said...

Good Lord- you crack me up. I've read *most* of your entries and I truly love how you have things in your list like "get a pedi" and "stop blaming myself". Being a mom= feeling guilty for A LOT of things that rationally you know you shouldn't but deep inside, you just can't help.
At least get a bright fun color on your toes, don't go neutral & boring.
Oh and getting your eyebrows waxed will make you feel better than just tweezing them. my $0.02

Noah&Zach'sMom said...

Spring for a manicure and pedicure! You deserve it!

You did not fail Jack. He would never want you to blame yourself.

I know that I've mention it before, but please think about turning your blog into a book, Jack's Story. You and Jack have already touched so many lives, I can only imagine how many more you would touch by having his story published.

Charlotte and Katie are beautiful! I see a lot of Jack in them :)


Michele said...

Just a comment from a mom of identicals - my girls don't look alike to me at all. But when I see others - I can never tell them apart.