Thursday, March 13, 2008

5 months (and two days...)

Not only are my babies five months old, but yesterday was exactly one year since my egg transfer. They transferred three embryos, one of which became my sweet handsome Jack, and one that split (or so the doctors say) and became my two beautiful girls. It's so hard to believe those little tiny dots we have a fuzzy black and white picture of turned into these babies.

The whole IVF seems so long ago, just a blurry memory of pills and needles and early morning treks through the snow to look at my ovaries and have countless vials of blood taken. Afternoons spent impatiently waiting for phone calls, and nights spent praying and praying. I never stopped praying, saying the rosary, Novenas to St. Gerard, praying to get pregnant, stay pregnant..... I never could have imagined the things I really needed to be praying for. I remember the ultrasound where the doctor realized there were actually three babies, he told us that he felt strongly we would have at least one healthy baby. He meant Jack. The girls, with their thin thin membrane and shared placenta, were the ones everyone worried about.

So I guess in a way my babies are a year... they've been 'with' me since March 12, 2007.

I feel like the girls are on the brink of big changes. Every day it's something new. This morning we found both of them completely turned around and at the foot of their cribs, Charlotte on her back and Katie on her tummy. They talk talk talk, and laugh laugh laugh. They amaze me. Every new thing they do is so incredible, and still everything makes me think, Jack will never do that. Jack will never get any bigger. It feels like every day that the girls get bigger, Jack gets a little bit smaller. I look forward to every day with my girls, and at the same time it's one day further away from my baby boy.

Happy Five Months my babies!! A year ago I could never have imagined how much I would love you all.

Charlotte.... every day, I tell her, my whole life I dreamed of having a Charlotte. When I was a little girl I knew one day I would have a Charlotte. Before your Daddy and I were even married we said, if we have a little girl we will name her Charlotte and she will be beautiful and smart and lovely because how could she not be with that name? And you are better than anything I ever dreamed.

Miss Katie, she is my bonus, my reward. I hoped and hoped for a sweet, happy beautiful baby and she is all that and more. I tell her, you are the best Katie in the world. You are the missing piece I didn't even know I was missing, until I saw you. And you are better than anything I ever dreamed.

And Jack, my Jack, I knew my whole life too I wanted a Jack. I would tell him, I prayed and prayed to God to send me a Jack, and he sent me you. And I am so lucky. God knew the perfect Jack for me. And he was better than anything I ever dreamed.


23 comments:

Alicia Gould Photography said...

Megan - i just love reading your blog. The girls faces are so funny. I can't wait to see them grow. It's all so amazing. Love the new look too =) easy to read.

Anonymous said...

What beauties! They are so pretty! I continue to read your updates. I appreicate you sharing your self-reflection with all of us. I really beleive God knows how to "match" the perfect babies with the mommy (and daddy) they need. He knew you'd be a perfect fit for your Jack, Charlotte, and Katie. "What a wonderful world!"
Smiles!
--A Mom in Jacksonville, FL

Anonymous said...

You truly are one of the most amazing people, ever. You're children are all so blessed to have you as their mother. I know you treasure every day you have with them and that they will be so grateful that you are their mother.

Wendy said...

Hi Megan! I've been following your blog since shortly after your babies were born. I cried when I read the news about Jack. I know you have a HUGE hole in your heart.

Your girls are just precious. I'm so glad you have them. I love to read the updates. It brings back memories of when my twins were that age.

I thought I'd introduce myself! I have girl/boy twins conceived also through our first IVF. They were born at 33 1/2 weeks. I also have our SUPRISE baby boy who is 11 1/2 months old!

I, too, remember the embryo transfer clearly and treasure that first photo of my babies!

I'll be checking in regularly!

Wendy said...

Oops! I misspelled SURPRISE! That really bugs me being a former teacher!

the schirano triplets said...

The girls always look so adorable, and the newest pictures are no exception. You are right, you probably are on the brink of great big changes! Waking up in strange new positions is what started it all for these guys :)

Since you posted that you feel that as the girls get bigger Jack gets smaller, I just wanted to let you know again what an enormous impact Jack has made on my family. We think about him and talk about him every single day. He touched our hearts and I know he touched many, many other hearts as well, too numerous to count. Though you can't see it, he has actually grown far bigger than you could ever imagine.

Please know that I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Emily said...

Megan,
I have never commented before today, but I love reading your blog-thank you for sharing it with the world. I had my ET almost a week ago & today's blog really spoke to me...
I think of you and your beautiful babies often.
~Em

My name is Tammie said...

Tears are streaming down my face from this beautiful, touching post. Perfect little children, all three. Jack has touched so many lives so deeply. You are one truly blessed woman to have three beautiful children.

Anonymous said...

Megan, your posts never cease to amaze me. This one brought me to tears. You are such a wonderful mother and an excellent writer. You are an inspiration to me over and over again.

CT Knottie Jenn

Jessica B said...

This one made me cry, Megan. I love the way you describe all three children. Honestly, you should turn this blog into a book. If you ever decide to look into it let me know, I used to work in publishing. This blog wraps me up like a novel I can't put down. I think it is a fantastic way to document your lives.

so tired said...

It's all so bittersweet. Stay strong.

Beth & Steven said...

Your children are so beautiful!
I have to tell you, every time I hear the Alicia Keys song "No One", I think of you singing it to your sweet Jack.

Rebecca Nixie said...

Megan...I look forward to your blog entries. The girls are getting so big and cuter every day. I still can't tell them apart!!! My 5 year old looks at the pictures with me and asks which is which, I say "I don't know. Maybe this is Charlotte and this is Katie." And she responds with, "And that might be Katie and that Charlotte" (the opposite of what I said). And your little Jack...he is much bigger than you think...all thanks to you. You have shared his story with the world and he has touched so many lives. I think of him often. You and your family are always in my thoughts.

{{[[HUGS]]}}

Anonymous said...

I thought of Jack today. I was in Once a pon a Child getting some preemie clothes for my tiny new daughter, Ava. You and Jack's "song" came on, (Alicia Keys) and I have not heard it since you posted the story on here about it.
I started crying right in the middle of the store.
I don't even know you, but my heart sank for a moment for little Jack, and those he left behind.
-Davezwife from the Nest

Millicent said...

God knew just which Mom to choose for your special trio...

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog! I love the way you love each of your children. I'm about to do my first ivf cycle. I can only hope to be as blessed as you and PJ are. Thank you for your blog. It gives me hope.

E.S.C.

Mrs.LB705 said...

Wow Megan, 5 months (and two days) already! The girls are getting SO big, and I swear in the pics from today they look JUST like PJ!

I hope you are all doing well!

XOXO

Linda = )

heeda said...

Your girls are beautiful! The words you write are so touching. Thanks for sharing.

Erin said...

The girls are gorgeous, Megan! Their little expressions are precious, and I love how their personalities are so individual. (Miss Charlotte reminds me a lot of my daughter at that age - staring right into the camera, smirking as if she's thinking, "there's mom with that camera again...")

Your love for and pride in your children are so apparent. You're an incredible mom - you should be really proud of yourself. I think of you & your family often and keep you in my prayers. Take care, and Happy St. Pat's Day!

Gillian said...

What wonderful pictures!! Everyone's comments are so right on.. Jack IS bigger than you will ever know. He HAS to be to have reached and touched us ALL.. what a wonderful littl boy.

And the girls! Well, what else can be said but beautiful things? They are simply that. Beautiful.

Congrats on 5 months.. it is going to be an insane ride of changes here on out! Get ready for some fun, lol! ;-)

casicola said...

I love this post. So beautifully written. Just as you have waited for them forever, Im sure they hoped they would have an awesome Mommy..and look what they got. Lucky them

Amber said...

Happy 5 Months gorgeous little girls!

Joy said...

Happy 5 months to your beautiful babies and congrats on one year since your transfer! I too did IVF with 2 eggs = 3 babies...what a journey it is! You are so strong and such an amazing example to all of us multiples moms out there. Your family is beautiful, and your children are so blessed to have you as there a mother...a mother who had dreamed of them all before they were here! Amazing!