Thursday, March 20, 2008

Old Age

It's my birthday. I'm really, truly officially OLD.

So far it's been a good day. Lots of presents from PJ and the girls. I went and finally got my desperately needed pedicure, and it was awesome. I apologized about twelve times to the girl doing it about the state of my feet.

I went and visited Jack. I miss Jack. I feel like every entry, I could just write "I miss Jack" and that would pretty much sum up everything. Although, it doesn't really cover it at all. That little sentence, it doesn't come close to describing it. I miss Buffy on Tuesday nights, I miss going to the movies, I miss having time to tweeze my eyebrows. How can you use the same phrase to describe how I feel about Jack being gone?

I MISS JACK. i miss jack. I.miss.Jack. no matter how I type it, it's not right. It's not enough.

Tonight PJ and I are going to dinner, sans babies. And then my birthday is over. A nice birthday. I keep thinking of last year, on my birthday I peed on $40 worth of pregnancy tests because I could not believe my eyes. The kid at CVS thought I'd lost my mind, I bought so many. It was the day I realized, this might actually happen.

It seems so long ago.

I am lucky though. I get to spend my birthday with these two.



Best presents ever.

31 comments:

Ali & Dave said...

Happy Birthday Megan! Glad to hear you enjoyed your day .......

Ali
Dec2005bride

SC Grandmother said...

Megan, You are a very strong woman, and I am in awe of how you are surviving each day.....those precious baby girls, Jack and God are what are guiding you through your grief and day to day life.

Happy Birthday to you!

The Nanny said...

Happy birthday!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday Megan! I hope you and PJ have a nice grown up dinner. Jack is with you today and everyday. He is in heaven singing happy birthday to his mommy! Take Care.

Diana said...

Happy Birthday to you!

Lisa said...

Happy Birthday, Megan!! Love the pic of the girls with the bunny!

Anonymous said...

HAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Jessica B said...

Happy birthday Megan. I hope you guys have a nice dinner. I think of Jack every day--he will always be with you on your birthday, and EVERY day.

Gillian said...

Happy Birthday again!! Glad you are enjoying your day for the most part..

LOVE the pic of the girls w/the Easter Bunny.. I'm assuming that's Katie snacking on her fist in the picture?? lol. What beauties!

Anonymous said...

Best wishes for a special birthday. Also, happy Easter to you and your family...the pic of the girls with the Easter Bunny is sweet. I know there is a special gift smiling down on you from Heaven today.

Birthday hugs!!
--A Mom in Jacksonville, FL

Collegegirl said...

Happy Birthday Megan! You are so NOT old! Glad to hear that you enjoyed your day! Remember you are so STRONG!!!

Harris Boys said...

Happy Birthday Megan, they girls look beautiful on the Easter Bunny's lap :) I know Jack is looking down with a huge smile!!

carmeng said...

Happy Birthday Megan...I hope you had a great day.

Jack is with you and your family every day. He is your little angel!

My name is Tammie said...

Happy Birthday!! Your birthday is 5 days after mine! Fun! And your girls on the Easter Bunny's lap are soooo cute! Easter love!

Lyn said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I know how you feel, missing your baby...I lost my little man...on holidays and special days it seems harder...or more obvious to me...I can say, my little guy has been gone for 14 months and I can guarantee that not one day goes by that I don't think of him, long for him...but, I don't cry anymore when people ask how I am and I can talk about him without getting chocked up. The hardest part is answering the question 'how many kids do you have?' I did recently realize though that in being completely consumed by wanting Braden, I was missing out on my twins lives. God Bless!

Millicent said...

First off, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Secondly, I can only imagine how you feel, but I can see how 'I miss you' would never be enough. It could never begin to describe how much you miss Jack. How can anyone describe that longing? I do know your special lil guy is up in heaven looking down on you. I know that is not enough and never will be. But it is something. And the impact he has had on so many people all over the world is something. I hope the somethings ease the pain a little for you.

marree27 said...

Happy Birthday!!!! Glad to hear you finally got your well deserved pedicure :)

Jack is wishing you a happy birthday from heaven, smiling down on you.

Dana J. Tuszke said...

Happy (belated) Birthday! HOpe the day was magical. :)

Heatherjtax said...

Happy Birthday, Megan.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday! You have such a wonderful Spirit. I love reading your blog! I'm a twin. I have a twin sister. We live in NJ. We are the best of friends. It's great having a twin. Of course I know yours started out as triplets. God bless Jack too! Enjoy your birthday and babies....

Kara

Andria and Co. said...

Happy Birthday!!!

TheWrights2007 said...

Happy Birthday! You, my daughter, and I all share a birthday! I wanted to thank you for sharing Jack's life with all of us. You and your family has been in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

the schirano triplets said...

I am sorry I missed it yesterday, but Happy Birthday one day late!

Hyperfertile Infertile said...

Happy birthday, albeit belated! I hope it was great!

I swear I saw someone else's bunny pics with that same bunny. How funny. It's a super cute one, so many of them are C-R-E-E-P-Y looking.

I never quite know what to say about Jack. I hate platitudes, they never help one bit. It really sucks that Jack is gone. I'm mad and sad for you, and for him. There are never the right words, or the right way to say things when they matter this much.

Anonymous said...

Hope your birthday was wonderful and your daughters bring you much joy thru the years.

Shell said...

Happy (belated) birthday!

CRS said...

Happy (belated) birthday!!
Adorable bunny picture!
-SBF

Anonymous said...

HAPPY EASTER!!!!!!! www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahtheriot

Lotta said...

Happy Birthday Hugs!