The Definition of Chaos

The girls and I went to meet a friend for lunch on Friday. But before we went anywhere, I HAD to take a shower, had to in a way only a mom covered in baby puke and various other fluids can. Of course I couldn't seem to get both babies to sleep at the same time, so when Katie fell asleep in her swing and Charlotte seemed awfully close to drifting off, I decided it was now or never.

I gently put Charlotte in the Pack and Play and made a run for the bathroom. I took one of the famous 'Mom's REALLY Fast Showers'.... shaving? Forget it! Second shampoo? Dream on! It's get in, hose off, soap up, rinse and get out. It took 5 minutes, max. And still, as soon as I turned off the water, I heard a ruckus.

I ran downstairs, still wet, in my pajamas with a towel wrapped on my head. Charlotte was crying, natch. Her crying woke Katie, of course. So there were two screaming babies.

Now, I think I've mentioned we live in a 2 family house and my brother and his wife live next door, with their very nice and usually quiet (male) dog. But this weekend they're also taking care of a friend's (female) dog. They had locked the friend's dog upstairs and their dog downstairs to keep them apart. At this moment, female dog was barking. REALLY loudly. And male dog was howling like someone was murdering him (or like he really wanted to get some lovin' and a stupid baby gate was in his way).

So now we have two screaming babies, one barking dog, one howling (horny) dog and one soaking wet mom. Do you remember my cat, the World's Greatest and now Most Neglected cat, Leroy? He could hear the two dogs and was in a complete panic, like they were about to come bounding in at any second and eat him for breakfast. So he was tearing around the living room like a lunatic, from under the sofa to under the baby swing, to under the dining room table, stopping briefly only to bat at my legs as if to say, HELLO, remember me? HELP!!

Ok, so one wet me, two screaming babies, two crazed dogs, and one terrified cat... and the doorbell rings. I truly hoped it was the looney bin coming to get me, because unlike Brittany Spears, I would have welcomed the rest. A couple weeks to do nothing but talk about my problems and take some Xanax? Sign me up!! Just let me dry my hair and put on some makeup.....

Unfortunately, it was only the UPS man, who dropped his package and wisely ran for his life.

And you know, amidst all the chaos, I still thought, I wish it was two crazy dogs, one terrified cat, and three screaming babies.