Thursday, January 31, 2008

Scratch

Jack was always scratching his face. His nails were too long, but filing them got him very agitated and often sent him into one of his 'attacks', so they frequently became serious weapons. He would scratch at his face, pull at his tube... some days he looked like he'd been in a cat fight, my poor boy.

Katie does the same thing now. She HATES when I try and do anything to her nails, every once in awhile I might be able to file one for about 10 seconds but that's her limit. She, however, usually uses her talons against others... mostly me. And it hurts.

But she recently scratched herself, a tiny scratch right in the corner by her left eye. Tonight she was sleeping on my shoulder, and I looked down and ... it was Jack. She looked so much like him. I had forgotten that the last few days of his life, he had a tiny scratch, right in the same spot she has now. When I looked down and saw her, so many memories came running into my head of those last few days. I kept looking at her, pretending she was Jack. Talking to her like she was Jack. Dreaming that I was getting to hold him, one more time. If I could have anything, anything, it would be that, to hold him, just one more time.



Katie today, and Jack on January 1st... if you click on the pictures to enlarge them, you can see the scratches on both them.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

My friend's new born was the same way with her finger nails. What she found to work really well was biting them off. I actually tried it and it worked really well. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

remember - your Jack is ALWAYS with you guys! :)

Ariella said...

Jack and Katie do look a lot alike, but I didn't notice that till now. Hating to have thier nails cliped is something all little ones dislike it seems. Katie looks so cute even with her little scratch!

Anonymous said...

remember - your Jack is ALWAYS with you guys! :)
- Angela (&Frank)

Anonymous said...

They do look alike, I hadn't notice that until now. Remember Jack will always be with you.

Sommer said...

aww. I found using a cuticle cutter, i was able to get the nail precisely where i needed it to be cut.. I could never file lilys nails.. never.

Flowers in May said...

I'm going to chime in with the others - Jack will always be with you and your family.

Alos, biting the nails yourself is sooo much better for the babies. There is no chance of cutting them with cuticle or nail clippers and filing is so time consuming. Try biting them when they are feeding... It's actually pretty soothing for the little ones ;)

Lotta said...

We used to clip them when they were sleeping. One day I clipped Mack's and totally snipped his finger. I was bawling and saying "I ruined him, I ruined him!" because I thought I cut his fingertip off.

Ah,motherhood.

Rachel said...

Goodness! Katie does look so much like Jack. They are all beautiful children. Maybe you will have more times like that when you can feel as if you are holding Jack again. May God continue to bless you!

leona said...

Katie and Jack do look a lot a like, that's God way of making sure Jack will always be with you. I file my little Stafford's nails too and he hates it but I can't bring myself to use the nail clippers on him. He's 3 months old and I don't know when I'll be brave enough for the clippers!

Jessica said...

I think you're right! And I think it's pretty special that she looks just like her brother!!!
Max does the same thing to me btw. He has friggin CLAWS.

Anonymous said...

Your story touches my heart and brings tears to my eyes. I truly believe that it is moments like the one you describe that remind us that are our little angels are always present and never far from our sides.

I know the pain you describe very well. We also lost one of our triplets 2 1/2 years ago. In the early days after our loss-- my husband, myself and our 2 surviving triplets frequently had "visits" from our little boy.
The babies would often look intently into space and often laugh at what they saw. I will never forget one afternoon, my husband and I were each holding a baby on opposite ends of the room. We noticed that both babies seemed to be in deep thought. Within moments, their eyes wandered around the room in complete unison. We both knew at that very moment, that our little boy was right there with us. I actually said, "Hi Connor" and at that very moment, the lights in the room dimmed.

Most recently, my daughter went in for surgery. Following the procedure, she was very groggy from the anesthetic. While sleeping soundly on my lap, she sat straight up and said, "Where'd Connor go?". She then immediately went back to sleep.

Although we dont have as many visits from our little man as we once did, I find it very comforting to know that he is still here when we need him.

I pray that Jack visits you and your family often and that you too can take comfort in knowing that your handsome little boy will watch over you all.

Jessica said...

You don't know me, but I have been following your story for a while now. I can't imagine what you must be going through. Today, I was listening to the radio and a song came on and I thought of you and Jack. I have heard this song a million times, but it never clicked. The song is Held, by Natalie Grant. She is ministering to those who had to say goodbye to early.
Here is the link (hopefully it works for you).
http://www.myspace.com/nataliegrant (once you are on the page, you have to choose the song, "Held".

God bless
Jessica

Gillian said...

I'm sure you'll have many moments like this.. Jack was saying hello! He is a part of all of you, so it's only natural for you to see him in the girls, although I'm sure it was hard.

Their nails are SO annoying at that age.. they are PAPER thin, and they HATE having them messed with.. lol

Anonymous said...

Megan
The girls are getting so big. They look so cute in the pictures. Just remember that Jack will always be with you and the girls. He is your angel. God bless you all.

Nicole(mikeandnicole05)

Anonymous said...

LOL. Giovanni is 11 months and just this morning he squirmed and fussed while I trimmed his nails. he woke up with a scratch right down his nose, so I knew it was time! When he was a newborn, I was a nervous wreck to do it!

Katie is really changing a lot,and she is looking so much like Jack! Your little angel is with you always!

amberz said...

Megan,

I've been following your story for a while now and I can't believe how much you have touched my life. I think about you & Jack often and I often wonder if I will ever have the strength to be as strong a mother as you are.

You are a role model to so many women and mothers and I hope you know that. I know that it doesn't matter what anyone tells you, no one can take your pain away but I hope you find comfort in the "little moments" you have with Jack.

He is defintely an angel in heaven watching over his family. What a beautiful baby boy...

Amber

Patyrish said...

I believe you will see Jack in both your girls often. They grew together in your womb, NOTHING can break apart the bond your babies will always have.

The pictures together with the same scratch gave me chills, Jack is with you and his sisters always.