Oh my....

I had to rub my eyes and do a little double take when I first came on here.... I couldn't believe how many comments I received on my last entry. Thank you thank you thank you, sincerely, for all the kind words. I am completely overwhelmed by the number of people praying for little Jack and our whole family. I was so moved by all the notes, especially from other moms, and moms of multiples, who wrote so much support and shared stories so similar to ours. It really helps to know (sadly) we aren't alone.

I have to say, I got an inkling that more is going on here. My suspicion is that my amazing group of Nesties are up to something. They have already given SO MUCH to my family, I can't believe they continue to want to help us the way they do. I don't know what I did to deserve such an incredible group of women in my life, but I really do thank God every day for them and their unending help and support this past year.

I do feel I need to say something though, just to clear one thing up, due to a few notes I received. I have never, ever asked for anything beyond prayers and good thoughts for my babies (which I've received beyond my wildest dreams). I never want anyone to think we have somehow profited from Jack's illness. I had no idea anything else was being done for us. And I truly hope no one in any way feels obligated to help us, or badly if they can't. Especially this time of year, with the holidays just a few weeks away, I know every penny is important. We are really blessed with amazing family, friends and my husband's wonderful employer who are already helping us.... we really are doing okay.

What I really need is what I've already gotten so much of - support, kindness, prayers. People to listen and understand. Hope when I have none, faith when mine seems to be waning. Those things are priceless to me right now.

If you really feel you want to do something, give an extra five dollars to the Salvation Army Santa, or drop a toy in the Toys for Tots, or a few dollars in the St. Jude's tins, and maybe think of Jack when you do it.

That said, today was a good day. We spent it with Jack and he was bright eyed and alert. We both held him for a long time and he stared at us, held onto our hands, and was happy and peaceful. We still have no answers - the muscle ultrasound was done on Friday but results won't be final until Tuesday, the same day we take Katie to the hospital to find out what's going to happen with her. But I decided, I can only worry about today. Not tomorrow, or next week, or next month. For today, all my babies were loved and happy and that's what I need to focus on. I can't control much beyond that.

Not that I'm not falling apart - believe me, I've had some bad days. I think I have held it together for a long time pretty well, but I'm starting to crack. Tears start and it's hard to stop them. A lot of times all I want to do is crawl into bed and not get out, or run and hide someplace far away (preferably someplace with a lot of liquor, and maybe some cigarettes and a slot machine or two). But I'm not. I'm still here, and the only reason really is because I know I need to hold it together as best I can for my babies, and my husband.

Thank you for helping me do just that.

My littlest elf today, Jack: