Sunday, December 9, 2007

Oh my....

I had to rub my eyes and do a little double take when I first came on here.... I couldn't believe how many comments I received on my last entry. Thank you thank you thank you, sincerely, for all the kind words. I am completely overwhelmed by the number of people praying for little Jack and our whole family. I was so moved by all the notes, especially from other moms, and moms of multiples, who wrote so much support and shared stories so similar to ours. It really helps to know (sadly) we aren't alone.

I have to say, I got an inkling that more is going on here. My suspicion is that my amazing group of Nesties are up to something. They have already given SO MUCH to my family, I can't believe they continue to want to help us the way they do. I don't know what I did to deserve such an incredible group of women in my life, but I really do thank God every day for them and their unending help and support this past year.

I do feel I need to say something though, just to clear one thing up, due to a few notes I received. I have never, ever asked for anything beyond prayers and good thoughts for my babies (which I've received beyond my wildest dreams). I never want anyone to think we have somehow profited from Jack's illness. I had no idea anything else was being done for us. And I truly hope no one in any way feels obligated to help us, or badly if they can't. Especially this time of year, with the holidays just a few weeks away, I know every penny is important. We are really blessed with amazing family, friends and my husband's wonderful employer who are already helping us.... we really are doing okay.

What I really need is what I've already gotten so much of - support, kindness, prayers. People to listen and understand. Hope when I have none, faith when mine seems to be waning. Those things are priceless to me right now.

If you really feel you want to do something, give an extra five dollars to the Salvation Army Santa, or drop a toy in the Toys for Tots, or a few dollars in the St. Jude's tins, and maybe think of Jack when you do it.

That said, today was a good day. We spent it with Jack and he was bright eyed and alert. We both held him for a long time and he stared at us, held onto our hands, and was happy and peaceful. We still have no answers - the muscle ultrasound was done on Friday but results won't be final until Tuesday, the same day we take Katie to the hospital to find out what's going to happen with her. But I decided, I can only worry about today. Not tomorrow, or next week, or next month. For today, all my babies were loved and happy and that's what I need to focus on. I can't control much beyond that.

Not that I'm not falling apart - believe me, I've had some bad days. I think I have held it together for a long time pretty well, but I'm starting to crack. Tears start and it's hard to stop them. A lot of times all I want to do is crawl into bed and not get out, or run and hide someplace far away (preferably someplace with a lot of liquor, and maybe some cigarettes and a slot machine or two). But I'm not. I'm still here, and the only reason really is because I know I need to hold it together as best I can for my babies, and my husband.

Thank you for helping me do just that.

My littlest elf today, Jack:

72 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jack is beautiful in his little elf outfit. I continue to think and pray for your family. {{{HUGS}}}. Sending you lots of vibes and good wishes.

The Hyperfertile Infertile said...

Jack looks so great in that picture, and I love his little outfit.

Hang in there. I know it's trite and cliched, but it's all you can do.

Anonymous said...

Just when the tears hit my eyes, you crack me up! You are such a good writer and -- more than that -- an inspiration. Please realize that all of the kindness coming your way is a reflection of how deeply you've touched so many by sharing your story. Eskimo kisses for little Jack!!

Ariella said...

You and your babies are in my thoughts and prayers daily. I look forward to the day you have them all home and they are all doing well. I know in my heart that day will come.

carmeng said...

Megan, you and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard about your story. Thank you for sharing so much and for truly being such a strong woman! I will continue to pray for you and yours. I dreamt the other night that Jack was home and you were holding him...he was healthy! The day will come soon - I have a lot of faith in God and know he will not give you more than what you can handle. HE will hold you up and make you stronger for your babies.

leobabe20k said...

I love the Picture of Him in the elf outfit. He looks so peaceful. We are still all praying for your Whole Family.

Heather(Hp093006)

Pixie4199 said...

Your faith is so strong. But I know that even the strongest faith wavers at times. Just keep believing that God is walking you, your husband and your little ones through this one little step at a time.

Many prayers for you from us! (NJ and Multiple nestie).

Linda said...

Continued thoughts and prayers coming your way. I asked my mom and mother-in-law to put Jack on their church prayer lists (first name only), and I hope that will bring some more needed prayers. I don't know who would ever get a notion that you are in any way profitting from this whole situation, but please know how very much more I WISH I could do for you!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you even had to defend yourself about that. Many prayers and vibes are still going to your family and Jack!! We will continue to support you!

Anonymous said...

Jack looks so good in that picture.

As always, your strength is an inspiration to me.

continued thoughts and prayers for you, PJ, Charlotte, Katie and Jack.

Michelle (aka finally)

Anonymous said...

Jack is looking good in his elf outfit. Hang in there Megan...I know easier said than done. Your family is in my prayers.

Patyrish said...

I happened upon your blog yesterday and read the entry about little Jack. It broke my heart and so I had to of course go back through and read your story.
I had no words last night as that entry brought back so many painful memories for me.

I lived much of the nightmare you are living now with Jack with my daughter. She had breathing problems at birth due to a rare genetic syndrome. I had to nod when I read you had expected to hear something bad from the cardiologist. I remember the days of going to specialist after specialist and getting nothing but bad news. It became normal to expect the worst and be surprised if things turned out okay. I remember the numbness you spoke of. It stayed with me for longer than I would like to admit. It was a very difficult time in my life, I can't imagine going through it having two other newborns to care for at the same time. My heart goes out to you....It REALLY does.


Thankfully I had a diagnosis for her at six days of age though....but those AGONIZING six days deep in my heart I KNEW something was wrong with her. Her diagnosis was far from what I hoped for but we have made the best of it and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I noticed similarities in Jack to another little boy that I follow named Luke and I directed his mother here. Here name is Andrea Hughes and she left a comment in your last entry. She is an awesome mom and I pray you are able to touch base with her as I found myself wondering if Jack has the same thing as her son does.

Cry and scream when you need to. Getting those feelings out is IMPORTANT and if you don't it will just make you crazy. I spent many a night screaming "Why God?" into a pillow. Sounds crazy but I havent claimed to be sane in a really long time ;-)

I have saved you in my favs and will be keeping up with Jack and your girls.

Much love
Trish
mommy to Makily
www.caringbridge.com/fl/makilyange l

Anonymous said...

Please know how often I think of you and your family. You are a beautiful writer and I am so glad that you keep up with your blog even though you are busy with Jack Katie and Charlotte.
Robin (whirlygal)

Anonymous said...

I continue to be amazed at your strength. Your whole family continues to be my prayers. Your doing a great job in such a stressful time of your life. Many hugs to you!!
Amy (zorahangels)

Anonymous said...

Megan,
Your strength is unbelievable to me. Your whole family is in prayers and thoughts. I am sending you hugs and big hugs to Jack. He looks so cute in his elf outfit. God bless you all.
nicole (mikeandnicole05)

CRS said...

Megan,

We're all thinking of you and your family and praying for you too.

He looks great in his elf outfit!

It sounds like your theme song should be "No Day but Today" from Rent.

-smallbutfeisty

Crystal said...

Jack looks so peaceful in his elf outfit. I think you are an absolutely amazing woman. This has got to be so tough for you, and you still share your story and you don't ask for anything. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

cmbrown

Mrs.McJeep said...

As a fellow NJ Nestie...I just wanted you to know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Jack looks absolutely adorable in his elf outfit.

Anonymous said...

Megan...my thought and prayer are with you, PJ, Jack, Katie and Charlotte. You are an amazing woman and these children are lucky to have you as their mother. Keep up the good work.

Jennifer (boobaloo)

Nancy said...

Megan look how many people care about you & your family. Know that with all these prayers things will work out. Lots of prayers for the 5of you.

Nancy from the Nest

Nancy said...

Megan look how many people care about you & your family. Know that with all these prayers things will work out. Lots of prayers for the 5of you.

Nancy from the Nest

Anonymous said...

Jack looks adorable in his Elf outfit :)
My husband and I continue to think and pray for your family... hoping for that Christmas Miracle!!!!
Take Care!

Irma (MamboMama)

Adrienne said...

Megan, I am so sorry that you feel a need to defend yourself as you go through this. Anyone who would think that you are trying to profit from this situation really has no idea what kind of person you are.
You all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers and I will continue to do whatever I can to help, no matter what that is.
MrsAdrienneT

Kristen said...

Megan,
You and your family will remain in my thoughts and prayers for as long as you need them and then some.
Your Jack is such a beautiful baby and I know that he is happy to be here with you, even through all of this.
Your girls are two of the cutest little munchkins I have seen.
I hope you know that I am close by and can help you in anyway. Even though Kieran never had to go through what your babies have/had to, I do remember the days of not knowing and tears. I still do and I will offer you as much support and open ears as you need.
Many prayers, many vibes , many hopes and many dreams for your family!
Love,
Kristen(kristen81603) and Kieran

Anonymous said...

Megan~to think that someone would believe that you are trying to profit from this is sick! There is no need to defend yourself and we are here to help you in any way that we can.
Ginny

Anonymous said...

Megan, I just want you to know I continue to pray for you and your beautiful babies. You have shown such tremendous strength and courage and though I wish you didn't have to go through any of this hardship, you are doing such a great job.

Sending all the positive vibes I can muster your way and tons of hugs too!

Olivia (ohamtobe)

Mrs*KaMa said...

My thoughts and prayers are with baby Jack and your entire family.
God Bless you all.

Sommer said...

Everytime i comment.. i think other things are more important to say.. but today.. Jack is tooo cute!!!!
I just want to kiss his little NOSE!!! Lily said to call her when he's ready for a date :)

Hugs to mommy and daddy too!

Anonymous said...

Matthew and I pray for Jack and the girls every night and will continue to keep your family in our prayers

jayjess

Gillian said...

What an ADORABLE Elf.. Megan, we continue to be here for you and your family, and send lots of love, prayers and support in ANY way that you need..

Mandy said...

I was sent the link to your blog by a fellow nestie friend and am so moved by your story. My heart goes out to you, your husband and your children. I'm about 13 weeks pregnant with twins, so your story hits me even harder. Jack is such a little cutie and you should be very proud of the family you have created. Sending prayers and hugs your way!!!

Nestie mandybeth01

naparman said...

Megan,

I just wanted to let you know that your family is in my thoughts and prayer. I look forward to the day that you tell us that Jack is home and in your arms. Stay strong!!

(((hugs)))
Naparman
Nor Cal Nestie

Anonymous said...

Megan you're a true angel. You're holding it so well even though you're hurting so much insude. I'm so glad that the firefighters are on your side too. Lou was going to contact them when he went back to work. My whole family is praying for Jack and the girls. Keep up the faith, he will bring a miracle. Jack looks really good too. Love Sandy

Andrea said...

Megan,
I just want to let you know that I am praying for you, PJ, Jack, Katie and Charlotte. You are in my thoughts everyday.
I'm amazed by your strength through all of this. Lots of vibes coming your way!
Andrea (TiredAn)

Anonymous said...

I wanted you to know your family is in our prayers

Kim said...

Thinking and praying for you and your sweet family.

soon2b_mrsd (Kim) said...

Jack is a beautiful baby! He is adorable in his little elf outfit.

My 12 yr old son asks about Jack all the time. (I showed him your blog) He loves all your pictures of the babies and Leroy too! We are all praying for you & your family.

Lisa said...

Megan - you amaze me. Over and over again, you amaze me!

cminNJ said...

I am praying you and your family make it thru this hard time.

Heather (friendsisterwifemother) said...

Wow he really is a cutie pie Megan! Love his outfit. Many prayers and good wishes that you get GOOD news on all fronts tomorrow! ((HUGS))

NoahAndZach'sMom said...

Your little Jack is in my prayers. I'm praying that you have a Christmas Miracle.

Twins103107 said...

I'm sorry you had to defend yourself, there's NO reason to. Please want to help you! Your little guy is in my prayers, I'm praying God will give you a Christmas miracle.
April
Multiples Nestie

Harris Boys said...

You are truly an inspiration to so many. Please don't feel like you have to explain yourself. Your family and baby Jack are in my thoughts and prayers!

Take care

Katie (nestie from GA)

Anonymous said...

please do not defend yourself. Everything that is done for you and your family is done because people want to.

You and your wonderful family are in my thoughts and prayers. Little Jack is adorable!

Goldie_Locks_5 said...

My DH and I pray for you daily... and we have our church praying for you as well.

The babies are all so beautiful - I hope you get the miracles you need and little Jack can join his sisters at home soon!
Gail
Goldie_Locks_5 on the nest

Anonymous said...

Megan,
Your strength is amazing and what a lucky lil guy Jack is to have such an amazing mom! I think of you and the girls often and PJ as well. I have Michael and the Kearny Guys at the FD praying for lil Jack. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.

Megan (the other fireman wife)Irishjulybride

Anonymous said...

Jack's elf outfit is adorable. What a cutie. I'm still praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Jack looks so cute in his little elf outfit! The Booth family will keep you ad your family in prayer.
Randi

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you. I just can't imagine what you're going through- to be torn between the joy of your beautiful girls and the sorrow of seeing Jack in the hospital. All I can say is that your strength and eloquence in your writing is truly and inspiration and to tell you that there are so very many people praying for you- more than you can imagine. Blessings to you and your family... - A fellow Nestie

Anonymous said...

I believe that God puts tests before us and we have to figure them out...I think you are passing with flying colors...We are all praying for you and your little ones....My mother used to tell me that everything in this world happens with a reason and a purpose...Jack is beautiful and the little girls are beautiful...their souls shine through....have faith...
my prayers are with you and your family...

Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you and your family.

Jessica said...

Jack looks wonderful... You sound good... The prayers are still coming, and will be for a very long time...

Amanda said...

Just wanted to let you know that i am thinking of you today and hoping for the best news with Jack's test and Katie's appointment. If the thoughts of others could be enough to heal your baby, he would already be home with you now- We are with you.....

Searching said...

OH, he is SO cute!! You have my added prayers for peace and hope. Little Jack and Katie are in my prayers as you await test results.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to let you know that I admire your strength during this difficult waiting game. I am amazed that through all of this, you take the time to keep everyone updated through your blog and on the nest. I continue to pray for your entire family. Please know that you have an huge support system of women that are here for you no matter what!
-Dana
(blackbeltbride)

Melissa said...

Dear Meghan,

I just recently came across the link to your blog from another blog and have spent the last week catching up on all of your posts. You have a beautiful family and have been blessed in so many ways, and it breaks my heart to know what you are currently going through, first with Jack, and now with Katie. Your family deserves nothing but joy and peace, and I pray that you get your Christmas miracle. No one should ever have to go through everything that you have, yet you keep going with a strength and resolve that I admire and envy. I wish you and your family nothing but the best and will continue to follow your blog and pray for you and sweet little Jack.

Love,
Melissa B.
(Brooklyn, NY)

Christine said...

Megan,

I just found your blog through a post someone put up on the Triplet Connection. Just wanted you to know there's one more triplet mommy out there hoping and praying for good news for your beautiful boy.

-Christine
mom to 2-year-old ggg triplets

Anonymous said...

My endless prayers continue for you and your family.
Tara

Anonymous said...

I read about your 3 beautiful little ones on the Nest-CT Board-Though I dont know you, I think about you and your babies often and pray for you all

Cristy (Slattery44)

Anonymous said...

I think that is the best picture of Jack that I have seen. He looks really good in it! Keep your head up, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!!

tbonegrl said...

He is so precious! We love you, little elf!!!

Anonymous said...

I look at my baby everyday and can't help but think of you. Your strength is awe inspiring, and your courage beyond measure. I pray everyday for your family, and shed tears as I do. I thank God everyday for my son and his health, and ask him to bless your family. Hang in there Jack! May the angels guard you and keep you free from harm.

cath&tom said...

sweetie - keep looking up. no matter what you are in our hearts and prayers everyday. Your little angels....

and your nesties know you would never ever ever ask for a handout.... we love you.

Cath&Tom

beep said...

I am praying, Megan, for your little trio. Even though we've never met, your story touched me and stays with me. I will continue to follow your family's progress and pray for the day I log in and see all three of your beautiful babies safe at home.
Love
jen

The Hyperfertile Infertile said...

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you. I know Tuesday was a big day for you, I hope you got nothing but good news.

JerzeyKatie said...

Stay strong Meghan! Hoping for a Christmas miracle! Jack looks great in that picture!!!

Completely off topic but I have been totally craving your mac & cheese so that is what's for dinner tonight--YUM! Wish I lived closer to cook some for ya'll!

THoughts & Prayers,
Katie (jerzeygirl4ever)Maryland

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog through a Nestie and spent the first half of the day at work reading your blog. First off , you are an amazing writer.. I feel like I'm right there along side of you going through all of this. My prayers are with you and your family. Stay strong- everything will be okay. Sending rainbows of good wishes your way!

RevJen said...

http://www.gratefulness.org
/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=JACK

We've had candles going for Jack for continued thoughts and prayers.

CRS said...

I'm making Chocolate Peanut Butter Meg Cookies right now and thinking of you all!!

--smallbutfeisty

Kelly said...

My son (a former 26 weeker) had the PDA surgery at 3 days old. He did well and now at 2 has nothing, but a barely noticable scar on his back. My prayers are with you.
Kelly
A Fellow Nestie

Millicent said...

Jack looks so good in that pic. I will continue to keep him in my prayers. I too believe in Christmas miracles and am hoping for one for you.

MrsKelly05 said...

From a fellow nestie:

My baby boy was born 11-10-07. After a perfect pregnancy and an induction he came into to the world seemingly perfect and healthy, however a few hours later our world came crashing down. While in the nursery getting a bath my son stopped breathing 4 times, he was rushed to the NICU where this continued to happen. A CT scan showed brain swelling and am EEG showed seizure activity. The doctors were all baffled, no one knew what was going on with my baby and still do not know 5 weeks later. They also tested for genetic abnormalities, thankfully this came back negative and his follow up EEG was normal and he was taken off his meds. We went for another follow up on tuesday and I am anxiously awaiting the results. My son seems to be doing just fine but I now have the burden of immeasurable worry about long term neurological effects.
I know your pain, and god does it hurt. I found solace in the comment you posted about not worrying about tomorrow or next month but living in the moment. This is what I need to do for myself, my husband and most of all my son.
I am praying for you and your beautiful family. Good luck from one worried mom to another.