I used to be mildly interesting, sort of funny, kind of entertaining. Reasonably intelligent and pretty fun. A real person, a whole different person. I hope when Jack is better, I will find my happiness again, and find my 'me' again. Some days it feels like it can never come back.
Jack is pretty much the same. His lungs look a little better today. He has a terrible eye infection. They're giving him lasiks again to try and dry out his lungs a little (and help with his swelling). The settings on the vent go down, then up again. He has a good day, then he has a bad day. It's like some horrible horrible version of Groundhog's Day.
I visited him Sunday, PJ was there Monday and Tuesday, now no one is there until Friday. It was a hard decision and part of me feels bad, but for our own mental health I said we needed to spend Thanksgiving with our families, with the girls. Not sitting at Jack's bedside, staring at him. It doesn't feel like Thanksgiving at all though - people kept wishing me a happy holiday today and I would have to take a minute to remember what holiday they even meant.
So we will go back to Philly on Friday to Saturday and see our boy. Next week should hopefully bring some kind of answers.
I had my 6 week postpartum appointment this morning. It's like, this pregnancy is officially over now. Which makes me sad. I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but my body is not the same. Things have moved, shifted and especially drooped. At least my jeans fit though.
Like I said, PJ was in Philly Monday and Tuesday. He kept sending pics of Jack to my cell phone, all nice and cute, like this one:
So sweet. Monday night my mom and aunt came over to watch the girls so I could go to the supermarket (whoopie a big trip out for me). As I was leaving the store I got a message from PJ, with pictures that looked like THIS:
with no text... just the pictures. Pardon my french, but WHAT THE HOLY HELL is on my baby's head? What happened to him??? I had a panic attack thinking something terrible had happened.....they'd had to do emergency brain surgery or something on him. I rushed home and my mom said "PJ called." OK, what did he say?? "Oh, not much, he said his hotel is really nice and he'll call you later."
Seriously??? That's what he said? Nothing else?
After a few frantic phone calls I finally got him on the phone, and he told me they're just doing another EEG on Jack to double check for seizures (and it came out clear, no seizures.)
That is a textbook example of how to send an already unstable mother over the edge. Men. I swear to god. I told him, please, next time... don't send me any pictures.
Anyway...... Have a nice Thanksgiving everyone. Here's pics of my two little butterballs:
Look at those cheeks... gobble gobble!! They are what's keeping us sane (well, kind of sane). Charlotte's on the left, Katie's on the right. The last one cracks me up.... Katie looks like Charlotte is about to knock her upside the head with a frying pan or something!!