So yesterday was kind of rough. Thank you to everyone who left a comment or sent an email, it really did help. Especially hearing about other babies who struggled in the NICU and are now fine.
This morning didn't start out much better. PJ is back at work at the firehouse today, so my mom took me to see the babies. As soon as I walked in, I saw that Katie was back in her isolette. She wasn't able to maintain her temperature in the open crib last night. But, it's okay. I didn't get upset. It's not a big deal - she's still small (the nurses yesterday were WRONG, Katie isn't over 4 lbs, she's 3lbs 14oz). I don't want to push her. They'll try again.
Both girls were sweet and happy, as usual. Charlotte ate her food in literally 3 minutes, burped like a champ, and then looked for more. She is such a cutie. So little but loves to eat!
Mommy & Charlotte. Blurry because Grandma doesn't know how to use a camera. :)
Then we went to see Jack. He had a new nurse today, who was amazing. She told us so many things about him and what's going on that no one else had told us. A lot of it was not that encouraging, but it was honest and as much as it was hard to hear, it's good to know. Bottom line is, he will get there.... but it might take awhile. She didn't have much hope for the medicine closing his heart murmur, for one.
My mom asked when I could hold him - she said it's not the vent preventing him from being held, it's the radial line in his arm (a line that goes into a large arterial vein they use to check his blood gases). She said it's too dangerous to move him with it in... but she also said that she thought it would come out soon, since he wasn't using oxygen anymore. She did let me give him a little massage though, and rub lotion on his legs and feet, and change his little diaper.
She confirmed the thing that bothers me the most - that since he's not a really tiny preemie, he knows what's going on... he's uncomfortable, and irritable, and just wants to be swaddled and held. That killed me. I told my mom, it's not that I don't think he'll be okay that's upsetting me, it's the fact that he's suffering right now.
I came home feeling upset about a lot of it. Bawled some more.
When we went back at 5pm, we fed the girls first because little Charlotte was already wide awake and looking for food. Held the girls awhile and then went to see Jack.
And when we walked in, his nurse said, where have you been?? Look!!
He was on his tummy. For the first time in his life. She even made him a little cushy mattress to lay on. She had called the head of the NICU and asked if the radial line could come out of his arm, and he said absolutely. So it was out!! And he was able to be all cozy on his tummy.
Yay!! So much happier!
I can't even put into words how happy I was, to see him like that, not spread eagle on his back, wiggling around with a huge line in his right arm.
And tomorrow, if he has a good day and is doing well, I can HOLD HIM. I really was starting to feel like no one was listening. Like my prayers, I don't know... maybe I had used too many up this year. But they were answered, in their own way. No, he's not really any better. But he's more comfortable, and I will get to hold him, hopefully tomorrow. That will make it the best day EVER.