Wish

We were so ready for you (as ready as anyone can be who's having three babies).

Your crib was ready, waiting in the corner opposite your sisters (we knew you'd need some space from them!)

It was all made up with your pretty blue and white bedding, and the blanket with your name embroidered on it. There was a little blue stuffed dog in one corner, and a soft brown bear in the other.

Your drawers were filled with little boy clothes, a t-shirt that said "I LOVE MOMMY". There was already a firehouse toybox waiting for you, picked out by your Dad, filled with fire engines and everything a little boy could want.

There was a stroller made for three. A minivan ready for three little car seats. Three boppies all printed with three peas in a pod. Three high chairs in the garage, two purple and one blue bumbo waiting, just for you.

There were socks and hats and bibs and everything made just for a little boy, with puppies and baseballs and cars and every other boy thing you could imagine on them.

And there was SO MUCH LOVE for you, and Katie and Charlotte. Before you were even here there was so much love, this little house could barely hold it all, it was bursting at the seams.

And now, all the things we had are almost all gone. The clothes and toys have been given away. The stroller sent off with another nice family, the third high chair returned to the store.

The few things you wore, the blankets you slept on while you were in the hospital are here, packed away. Your crib is in the attic, lovingly put there by your Dad one sad Sunday, piece by piece. Your soft blue blanket sleeps with your mom every night, she holds it close and hopes to dream of you. Your sisters chew on your little stuffed dog and bear. Your grandmother is stitching your pretty blue and white bedding into pretty blue and white quilts for your sisters. And your blanket with your name embroidered on it went with you, wrapped around you when we said goodbye.

The love is still here though Jack, and that is the one thing I wish the most I could have given you... more and more and more love. We had a whole lifetime of love for you, we gave you as much as we possibly could but it goes on and on. I wish you could have felt the sun on your face, just once, touched the snow, swam in the ocean. Kissed your mom, hugged your sisters, laughed with your dad. Breathed in fresh cool air, all on your own.

I wish, even for just one night, you could have slept in that bed, in this house with all the love, along side your tiny sisters, in the room next to your mom and dad.